For Sale: Ran Great Yesterday

“I’m at school. The car won’t start.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yep.”
Silence.
I wait, breathe deeply, squash my irritation and panic, and try to remember all the things I love about my husband.

All I can think about is where I need to be in an hour, and how am I going to get the boy to school in the morning if the car is dead?
After an eternity, He speaks, “What’s it sound like?”
I roll my eyes, look around to see who’s in the parking lot and attempt to imitate the car noise, “plah, plah, plah, plah, plah.”
I can hear him smiling.

“What’s it doing?”
“It’s not doing anything, that’s the point.”
“Does it have gas?”
“YES IT HAS GAS! I DYE MY HAIR THIS COLOR!”
Now, he’s really grinning.

“You’re getting a kick out of this aren’t you? Listen…” I hold the phone out, hit the speaker button, and crank the key.
“I don’t hear anything.”
“That’s my point! Can you come get us?”
“Yep” Click.

My husband can fix anything. He was born that way~ with wrench in hand, looking for a nut to turn. He built a heavy duty trailer from scratch. Then he built a heavy duty truck from scratch to pull that trailer. Now he’s building a flat bed to go on the truck. Handy that, especially on days like this.

He pulls into the parking lot, takes the keys, and starts the car. Just like that~ and grins.
“I hate you. That car loves me, it never leaves me sitting. Please check it over, I thought I smelled antifreeze.”

The car pulls forward, revealing a large wet spot. “That’s oil. And antifreeze. You still have that gallon in the trunk? What about that oil I put back there?”

I grit my teeth. “This article said you should remove all unnecessary weight from the trunk to help improve gas mileage and… I took it out.”
He clenches his jaw and stares at the ground, probably to keep from strangling me.

“Let’s get it home.”
“You following me?”
“That depends. Are you driving like an old woman?”
“Aren’t we full of quips and sarcasm today?”

The car makes it half way up the hill before the temperature skyrockets and the oil light comes on. I freak out, whip the car off the road into a shallow ditch, turn off the engine, and pull the kids out of the backseat in seconds. Steam billows from the hissing engine.

“I tried to get off the road as fast as I could. I was afraid it would catch on fire. I didn’t mean to pull into the ditch. Did I blow up the engine or did I shut it off it time? I hope the whole thing didn’t just crap out. That ditch looks deeper from out here. I have eggs in the trunk. Are you mad?”

Silence.
More silence.
Agonizing silence.

“How much money do you have in the checking account? This is going to cost you.”
“Now I have to PAY you to fix my car!”
“Nope. I was thinking about leaving it here with a For Sale sign. Maybe someone will steal it. Then we can go buy a Jeep~ with ground clearance.”

For Sale:

One dark green Chrysler Concorde LXI. Black leather, automatic everything, moon roof, killer Infinity stereo. New tires. 3/4 tank Marathon gas, fully charged air conditioner. Ran great YESTERDAY. Mud on undercarriage~ free of charge. Last seen on Watson Creek Rd. Motivated seller. Hurry, won’t last long. It’s a vandal’s dream.

24 Responses to For Sale: Ran Great Yesterday
  1. B J Keltz
    October 13, 2008 | 11:16 pm

    Ahhh, Jamie, I can relate! Very nice job wording and writing the post, which was entertaining, even though I kept wincing on your behalf, lol. That’s the best part of being a writer…being able to tell the serious, annoying, or discouraging stuff in a way that others can related to and even laugh with us about.

    B J Keltz

    Lucia’s Linky Love doesn’t like me….I don’t take it personal. ;)

  2. B J Keltz
    October 13, 2008 | 7:16 pm

    Ahhh, Jamie, I can relate! Very nice job wording and writing the post, which was entertaining, even though I kept wincing on your behalf, lol. That’s the best part of being a writer…being able to tell the serious, annoying, or discouraging stuff in a way that others can related to and even laugh with us about.

    B J Keltz

    Lucia’s Linky Love doesn’t like me….I don’t take it personal. ;)

  3. Jamie Simmerman
    October 14, 2008 | 1:54 am

    Hi B J, It’s not so bad. We got to go look at new cars tonight. That Dodge Charger looks pretty sweet. A bit pricey though.

    Lucia will love you after your third comment It was the minimum setting :).

  4. Jamie
    October 13, 2008 | 9:54 pm

    Hi B J, It’s not so bad. We got to go look at new cars tonight. That Dodge Charger looks pretty sweet. A bit pricey though.

    Lucia will love you after your third comment It was the minimum setting :).

  5. dcrelief
    October 14, 2008 | 2:07 am

    I laughed myself silly; what a wonderful post that mirrors my own marital bliss and the hiss of an engine!

    I hope you do not mind but I have added you to my blogroll and read you everyday.

    Most sincerely,
    dc relief

    dcrelief´s last spectacular blog post..Tall Trees

  6. dcrelief
    October 13, 2008 | 10:07 pm

    I laughed myself silly; what a wonderful post that mirrors my own marital bliss and the hiss of an engine!

    I hope you do not mind but I have added you to my blogroll and read you everyday.

    Most sincerely,
    dc relief

    dcrelief´s last spectacular blog post..Tall Trees

  7. Jamie Simmerman
    October 14, 2008 | 2:34 am

    Hi dcrelief! Marital bliss, huh? I thought we were just an old married couple with no one else to pick on. :)

    I am honored to be among your blogroll. Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope my future posts will be as entertaining and interesting,

  8. Jamie
    October 13, 2008 | 10:34 pm

    Hi dcrelief! Marital bliss, huh? I thought we were just an old married couple with no one else to pick on. :)

    I am honored to be among your blogroll. Thanks for reading and commenting. I hope my future posts will be as entertaining and interesting,

  9. Matthew Dryden
    October 14, 2008 | 4:03 am

    I’d be in the same situation. I have no clue how to start a car, let alone drive one.

    Matthew Dryden´s last spectacular blog post..A Warm Place

  10. Matthew Dryden
    October 14, 2008 | 12:03 am

    I’d be in the same situation. I have no clue how to start a car, let alone drive one.

    Matthew Dryden´s last spectacular blog post..A Warm Place

  11. Graham Strong
    October 14, 2008 | 5:12 pm

    Sounds familiar. Except for me and my wife, it’s the computer. “Where did my email message go?” or “What happened to those pictures — they were here, and now I can’t find them!”

    I’m pretty useless when it comes to cars though. So I guess I can see both sides of this story!

    Happy Car Hunting!

    ~Graham

    Graham Strong´s last spectacular blog post..We’re Moving!

  12. Graham Strong
    October 14, 2008 | 1:12 pm

    Sounds familiar. Except for me and my wife, it’s the computer. “Where did my email message go?” or “What happened to those pictures — they were here, and now I can’t find them!”

    I’m pretty useless when it comes to cars though. So I guess I can see both sides of this story!

    Happy Car Hunting!

    ~Graham

    Graham Strong´s last spectacular blog post..We’re Moving!

  13. Vered - MomGrind
    October 14, 2008 | 7:28 pm

    Haha not buying.

    You write really well.

  14. Vered - MomGrind
    October 14, 2008 | 3:28 pm

    Haha not buying.

    You write really well.

  15. Lance
    October 14, 2008 | 8:55 pm

    I loved this! Reminds me so much of some of the car troubles we’ve had. Three times (yes, three) my wife has managed to completely destroy the transmission on our cars. Weird…it always happens to her…Stranded, and I get the “phone call”. It’s funny now, but it sure wasn’t when it happened each time…

    So, a new car is in the works, eh? That should be fun… Good luck finding a thief…

    Lance´s last spectacular blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act

  16. Lance
    October 14, 2008 | 4:55 pm

    I loved this! Reminds me so much of some of the car troubles we’ve had. Three times (yes, three) my wife has managed to completely destroy the transmission on our cars. Weird…it always happens to her…Stranded, and I get the “phone call”. It’s funny now, but it sure wasn’t when it happened each time…

    So, a new car is in the works, eh? That should be fun… Good luck finding a thief…

    Lance´s last spectacular blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act

  17. Jamie Simmerman
    October 15, 2008 | 3:33 am

    Matthew, yep, I’m thinking about renting a horse and buggy from the Amish for awhile. Mush cheaper than gas and repairs.:)

    Graham, at least I’m not alone in my “Marital Bliss”, eh? (I think I used “eh” correctly, eh?) In farness, my husband couldn’t check email to save his life.

    Vered, Darn! No one wants my hunk a junk! Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it.

    Lance, I’ve only done in one transmission, and it was on an 1985 Blazer with like a zillion miles, so I think it just wore out. At least that’s what I tell myself. :) I have a thief on payroll, she’s working out a plan that involves dressing as a drag queen and a box of crackers…

  18. Jamie
    October 14, 2008 | 11:33 pm

    Matthew, yep, I’m thinking about renting a horse and buggy from the Amish for awhile. Mush cheaper than gas and repairs.:)

    Graham, at least I’m not alone in my “Marital Bliss”, eh? (I think I used “eh” correctly, eh?) In farness, my husband couldn’t check email to save his life.

    Vered, Darn! No one wants my hunk a junk! Thanks for the compliment, I appreciate it.

    Lance, I’ve only done in one transmission, and it was on an 1985 Blazer with like a zillion miles, so I think it just wore out. At least that’s what I tell myself. :) I have a thief on payroll, she’s working out a plan that involves dressing as a drag queen and a box of crackers…

  19. Idris
    October 27, 2008 | 4:20 am

    ROFLMAO!!!

    Whew,… now that I got that out, think your car has a cousin that is a 2004 chevy impala. Here’s my list of items that don’t work:
    Speedometer
    Horn
    Windshield wipers
    Gas gauge
    Not to mention my oil light is on.

    SROFLOL!!!

    Idris´s last spectacular blog post..An Artist’s 1st Steps

  20. Idris
    October 27, 2008 | 12:20 am

    ROFLMAO!!!

    Whew,… now that I got that out, think your car has a cousin that is a 2004 chevy impala. Here’s my list of items that don’t work:
    Speedometer
    Horn
    Windshield wipers
    Gas gauge
    Not to mention my oil light is on.

    SROFLOL!!!

    Idris´s last spectacular blog post..An Artist’s 1st Steps

  21. Jamie Simmerman
    October 27, 2008 | 4:01 pm

    Hi Idris, It was a good car for many years. We replaced it with an 08 Impala. I hope it’s not related to yours!

  22. Jamie
    October 27, 2008 | 12:01 pm

    Hi Idris, It was a good car for many years. We replaced it with an 08 Impala. I hope it’s not related to yours!

  23. idris
    October 28, 2008 | 4:12 am

    I hope they’re not related either. Oh did I mention the CD player didn’t work either?

    idris´s last spectacular blog post..An Artist’s 1st Steps

  24. idris
    October 28, 2008 | 12:12 am

    I hope they’re not related either. Oh did I mention the CD player didn’t work either?

    idris´s last spectacular blog post..An Artist’s 1st Steps

Leave a Reply

Wanting to leave an <em>phasis on your comment?

Trackback URL http://blueduckcopy.com/2008/10/13/for-sale-ran-great-yesterday/trackback/