No Regrets: Looking Ahead

October 13, 2008

Your last sunset?

I’m a firm believer that God orchestrates our days. He sends hummingbirds to flit past our window, gives us red lights to slow us down, and places people in our paths to accomplish His plan for us. That’s what has me nervous. You see, this week in my 30 days journey, the prevailing theme seems to be untimely death.

Let me explain.

My final psychology paper was based on “My 5 Wishes” a form that expresses your wishes about your health care, dying process, and funeral in the event you are stricken with a terminal disease or are unable to communicate. (It was difficult to write, and I cried through most of it.)
My activity for 30 Days this week is to write a letter to someone from my past in order to heal old hurts. Except I’ve already done that, so I wrote letters to each of my loved ones, to be read upon my death. I included letters to each of my boys for the day they graduate from school, are baptized into the church, get married, and have their first child. I wrote a heart-wrenching letter to my husband encouraging him to seek love again and raise our children well. I wrote to my mother and brother, telling them how much I love them. I wrote to my aunt, expressing my never-ending gratitude for her love, guidance, and selfless sacrifices.
This Sunday’s sermon touched on the brevity of life. Any of us could be living our last day, and not even know it.
The video lesson for my small group shared stories about the untimely deaths of a college student and a five-year old girl.
The final chapter in my Developmental Psychology textbook was on death and dying.

Now all this talk of death has really gotten to me. I’m not saying I have a morbid fascination with my own demise, I just cant help but wonder if God is preparing me to deal with an untimely death. Maybe mine, maybe the death of someone close to me. Perhaps someday soon these words will prove to be prophetic.

I blogged last month on Lori Hall Steele. The words she wrote about her son became prophetic after she was rendered paralyzed from Lyme Disease.

“Will you look after me when I’m a grown-up?”
I tell him I’ll always be here for him, one way or another. Always always always. Just like my mother is here for me. Just like I was there when he was 3. It is an impossible promise, a gamble with his trust. I secretly pray I don’t let him down, not on this.

The lesson I learned from One Month to Live this week is to get your affairs in order. Tell your kids you love them. Take time to watch the sunset, it may be your last.

Ironically, once again this week Lance has scooped my blog topic a day in advance with this quote:

“The bitterest tear shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone” ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

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Posted by Jamie | Filed Under Blogging

Comments

Lance

Jamie, I think when we think of an untimely death - even one that hasn't happened (so don't think that it will) - it does getting us thinking about what is important. What you've been through this week - should bring tears - I'm sure there was much emotion in this whole process. That you've done this, though, is a wonderful step in both preparing for the future, and also in understanding who you are. I question if I could do all these activities - especially all in the same week.

OK, that was pretty weird - two weeks in a row! If this happens again next week - whoa!

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..Life’s A Balancing Act</abbr>

Jamie Simmerman

Hi Lance, It was a rough week, I have to admit, but I feel better now that it's done. I handed my 5 Wishes to my husband, but when he found out what the purpose of the paper was, he gave it back, He said he wouldn't be needing it because he was too old to find anyone new, so I had to outlive him. :) It was sweet in his own way.

If you scoop next Monday's blog, I'm hiring a private detective to tail you! ;)

Oktober Five

I hate death. I hate how it feels--not that I've died, but the general feeling of death. I hate the waiting when you know someone is going to die. That's the worst. It's the pain that gets to me--the pain of loss. Albeit a necessary step, it's always untimely and unfortunate. But like you say, God is directing it all.

Marelisa

Hi Jamie: I guess another approach to this would be to write a letter to everyone who has had a positive impact on your life thanking them for everything that they've given you. Same effect but a little less morbid. No one wants to think of dying, but I agree that it's important to have your things in order (will, power of attorney, and so on).

Jamie Simmerman

Oktober, I completely agree, death is so hard for those left behind. This series has been a real eye opener for me. DCRelief wrote a post this week about the suicide of her babysitter when she was young. You could just feel the pain.

Marelisa, I've actually thought about that. There are things I would like to say to a few friends, my old pastor, my in-laws, even my ex sister-in-law. We do not have a will, which is scary because if we died together, we would have no say in who raised our children. It's on my to-do list this week~ top priority! Thanks for the reminder and the suggestion. :)

Oktober Five

Question: Did you take that picture of the sunset? Because that is awesome. Look who's the photographic genius now! :)

<abbr>Oktober Five´s last spectacular blog post..My Scalene Triangle of Poverty</abbr>

Jamie Simmerman

Ah Oktober, how I wish that was mine! Sadly, I chickened out and did not post my own shot.

That picture is a sunset in Australia. If I had been there, there would be two boys chasing frogs through the water and throwing mud at each other. :)

Beth

November 19, 2008.

Today Lori Hall Steele passed on to continue her destiny after a long hard battle with ALS/Lyme Disease. She left her smile and her laughter imprinted in the hearts of the people that love her and those who randomly met her throughout life. Her friends Kristin/Jane were able to start a grassroots movement that raised over 70k to help pay for her medical care and to save her home for her greatest legacy her son Jackson. Remember today to share her smile and laughter with those you might meet and with those whom you love.