Embracing Romance

January 6, 2009

I wrestled with one of those “why bother” moments today. You know, those discouraging moments when you step back and evaluate your life and are horrified and nauseated by what you see? These moments used to begin a viscous cycle of feel awful, try harder, do better, miss the mark, feel awful. I’m doing things differently now. (I bought into that progressive sanctification of the believer speech and am holding on with both hands (and a few toes).

I stepped back and looked at my business and thought about what I could do better, what needed changing, and what wasn’t working. After the first few weeks, I was excited. After the first month, I found myself wondering if any of this really matters in the big scheme of things. I mean, come on, I write for the Internet! Any idiot can blog on the Net! It’s the Information Overload Age, baby! My words will never amount to more than a drop in the bucket, right?

How my Feed Reader Leads to Depressing Thoughts

This train of thought began as I was attempting to catch up my feed reader. All those little blue numbers cataloging unread posts stared at me every time I checked my email, which is every five minutes. It was driving me insane! So I sat down, determined to at least scan the posts for content and make the blue numbers stop taunting me.

But somehow, as I scanned it just seemed offensive. These blogs were in my feed reader because I shared a connection with the authors. Some I worked with, some inspired me to better things, some entertained me or showed me how to do life better. Some of these authors were friends I had corresponded with for months or years. It seemed obscene to treat their heartfelt words as fodder for speed reading so I could check another set of posts off my to-do list.

It made me wonder how many of my posts sit, unread, in someone’s feed reader nagging at their skull until they break down and scan my inner thoughts just to get rid of me? You see, Blue Duck isn’t my only blog. I write thousands of words a week, for clients, for other Blue Duck owned websites… for myself. I bleed on those pages of words; each one taking a small part of me away to be ferreted in some small corner of the Internet. To what end?

Looking Back

When I worked as an RN, I returned home exhausted but content to know that I made a difference. My efforts helped someone that day, often several someones. I fought infection, healed wounds, provided comfort, relieved pain, was a shoulder to cry on, even saved lives. I mattered to someone each day. I made a difference. I made my own corner of the world a better place, one shift at a time. I miss that feeling.

Taking the Flak

Most of my family is not supportive of my decision to forgo nursing for writing on the Internet, even after it has been paying the bills for two years now. They think I am crazy, stupid, becoming eccentric and a whole host of other descriptive synonyms.

After all, R E A L writers get published. They have books on the shelf with their byline in bold print. They have an agent, a publisher, a publicist, and a fat royalty check coming every month. Internet writers are only a cheap fad. There’s no work involved, no real skill.

Defending the Faith

Then there’s the issue of my faith. I’ve had close friends try to turn me away from advertising as a Christian business. One even went so far as to tell me I was insane for mentioning my faith; it will only hurt your business. “Jamie, you’re a talented writer. You have a decent business sense and you’re a quick learner. You could do so much more. You’re shooting yourself in the foot with this Christianity nonsense.”

“At least leave it out of the blog!” they plead. But I can’t.

I am hopelessly dependent on God for every breath I draw. Without Him I wouldn’t have the strength to get out of bed each morning. Seriously, I would have given my life to the business-end of a Glock a long time ago if it weren’t for God’s intervention each day. He whispers in my heart that I matter to Him, my life has purpose, my pain has meaning, my life has a destination other than the trash heap of humanity. My faith is woven into every fiber of my being. How can I leave it out of my writing?

If God blessed me with a natural propensity to write, shouldn’t I write about Him? If God provides for me and blesses my business, shouldn’t I give Him the credit? If He heals my pain, shouldn’t I show my scars to others who are still bleeding and tell them there is hope? I would sooner stop breathing than leave God out of my business and my writing. It was never an option.

Yet, these things are politically incorrect; taboo in today’s business world. That makes me the freaky kid in study hall who’s not quite right in the head and, did you hear?, I think she’s in some kool aid drinking cult that takes all your money and makes you marry your cousin.

My Conclusion

What’s my response? I say do it anyway.

Embracing Romance

Christianity is the greatest romance the world has ever known. Even the raciest story lines and the best Hollywood blockbusters pale in comparison to the love of my God.

He pursues me with the tireless love of a soul mate. He chases me to the farthest recesses of my mind, and leads me out by the hand into the light. He plummets into the depths of the cesspools of scum and sin to rescue me from myself, and He braves the darkest hours of my depression to fan the flames of my passion back to life. He follows me where no mortal lover would dare enter, and tolerates more than a loyal mother could take. He knows every secret, every regret, every hurt. He holds me when I sob uncontrollably, carries me when I am too weak to stand, and rejoices with my every triumph as if they were His own. His loyalty extends beyond death and knows no bounds. His love is so great that the human language cannot describe it adequately.

I have never seen my Lover’s face, nor have I heard His voice, but I know Him intimately- perhaps better than I know myself.

I have encountered God and there’s no going back to the way things were before.

The Plan

So what is my business plan for 2009? I don’t have one. That’s right. I threw it out- tore it to shreds and did the happy dance as it burned in the kitchen sink. Am I off my rocker? Nope, I’m perfectly sane.

I intend to write my own socks off this year. I will continue to blog, continue to write about my faith, and keep right on believing that God led me here for a reason. I’m dreaming big folks, and I’m praying bigger. In fact, I’m leaving it all up to prayer. My single New Year’s resolution is that I will not write nor speak a single word without praying first. That places my entire business (and my life) firmly in the hands of God alone.

So Lance and Christine, my word for 2009 is SURRENDER.

It’s a tall order on my part, I tend to like to do things my way. Not because I think I can do better, I just have a problem trusting that I won’t get hurt unless I do things myself. Well, guess what? Bring on the pain. I’m done doing things my way.

I’m talking complete surrender. I’m not holding anything back. Break out the supernatural Super Glue because I’m about to be broken in ways I never dreamed were possible. And you know what? I’m scared shitless. How’s that for a confession? And yes, I am a Christian, but I do say “shitless “when it fits and I’ve peed in the shower a time or two. I am far from perfect.

So if you know my God, please pray for me. And if you don’t know Him, He knows your name and He loves you with an unmatched passionate abandon that must be experienced to understand. His romance is powerful and His love is gratifying.

He’s waiting for you. Dive deep.

Share and Socialize:

Posted by Jamie | Filed Under Blogging

Comments

kathy

Jamie
I subscribe to your blog because of the honesty in writing that I find here. Your Christianity is so much a part of who you are. I am still struggling with a past experience of dogmatic religion and I'm not sure what I believe about God or Christ anymore. I do know that I believe in a greater power and I am a spiritual being.

I may not pray for you in the conventional way, but I am praying for you and continued success. Keep telling us like it is with your candid honesty - the world (and me) needs it.

<abbr>kathy´s last spectacular blog post..Emotional Resonance</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Kathy, I think that is most sincere compliment I have ever received and I want to thank you. A lot of us have been hurt by the "church". It's a particularly painful and deep wound. Christ is not about rules and judgment.

So many people spout off John 3:16, but they need to understand John 3:17 first. Christ did not come to condemn the world, but to save the world. If Christ did not condemn, then who are we to judge others?

Christ can heal your wounds, Kathy. Hang in there.

I'll be praying for you if you keep praying for me, deal? :D
Kristin T.

How did you know exactly what I needed to hear right now? It's almost like we've been drinking coffee together every day for the past week, all the while you listening intently to my rambling thoughts--and then you sat down and wrote this post as a response to all I'm struggling and wondering about. Amazing.

So much encouragement. So much of that I'm-not-alone feeling. So much truth. Thank you.

<abbr>Kristin T.´s last spectacular blog post..When small is big & numbers are nothing</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Oh Kristin, if you only knew. And I would love to sit and drink coffee with you everyday!

Our pastor tells us that he gets accused of "reading my mail" all the time. He says he doesn't dig up dirt or gossip or have an inside track... he just addresses the things he struggles with... what he's feeling. Dwight preaches to Dwight and a lot of the time, he hits a bull's eye with the masses. :)

I think, no, I know, that most Christians struggle with surrender. If you hold out long enough, God puts up enough roadblocks and eliminates all other issues until surrendering becomes the most important thing in your life. That's where I'm at. Not by choice, but because I claim to follow Christ.

He finally got tired of my blundering around, got a bullhorn, and yelled, "Hey! If you wanna be a Christ follower, you gotta learn you're not in charge! Capice?"

Capisco, Dio.

:D
Wendi Kelly- Life's Little Ins

There is nothing better than tapping into the POWER which comes from the one who has ALL of it!

Glad you are plugged in Jamie. Enjoy the roller coaster you just got on cause it's going to be an amazing ride!

And by the way.

You always sit in my feed reader until I have time to come and savor you. That may mean that due to time, I may read two or three or four, but when I do, I enjoy every word!

You are not being skimmed here!

<abbr>Wendi Kelly- Life's Little Inspirations´s last spectacular blog post..Starting Over</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Aw Wendi , that's nice to know. I never meant it to sound like whining, though. Just an observation that many words are cheap. I'd like for mine to be worthwhile. :)

Tapping into Power. What a scary and thrilling thought...makes me wonder why churches aren't overflowing?
Scott

YAY! I have been struggling with this same thing for a couple of months now. Do I write more about my faith, my relationship with God, and include it in my blog?!? What are my current readers going to think?!?

"I have encountered God and there’s no going back to the way things were before."

I know where your coming from. I, too, have decided to speak more about God, faith, and Christianity, in my blog. And I can not WAIT to see where it goes!

Your in my prayers Jamie, include me in yours please.

<abbr>Scott´s last spectacular blog post..The Fog of Recovery</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Hey Scott, Glad I'm not alone. :) We'll pray for each other and hopefully it will be a life changing experience.
Jamie Simmerman

Hi Laurie, That Lance, he's something else. Always working behind the scenes.

I am so glad you stopped by, and I'm glad you found a little rest here today. The door's always open and there's always coffee brewing.

It's always nice to meet a soul sister. :)
B J Keltz

I'm glad Laurie brought up spiritual vs religious. The very word "religious" leaves me cold with its implied rules and rigidity. If it comes up in conversation, I'm likely to say "no, I'm not religious, I'm a faith walker." or "no, i'm not religious, I have faith."

<abbr>B J Keltz´s last spectacular blog post..With Gratitude</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

B J, You know, I feel the same way. Most of the time I hesitate to even tell people I am a Christian. I prefer "Christ Follower". :)
Laurie

Hi Jamie! Lance sent me over because he knew I would connect with what you are saying here. I feel like you do, I am not going to hide my faith. I don't have a blog but I comment a lot. I bring my faith into it when ever it is a part of my response. It is not convoluted but a part of who I am. I am not religious, I am spiritual. I have a relationship with Christ that drives me like yours does you. It is a romance isn't it? I am constantly amazed at how God can know me, strengthen me, protect me, love me. I am amazed I would be worth his attention at all. I am just me, a no body, a spec of dust, yet he DOES know me and he brings me to wonderful places like this so that my feelings can sing to your song. Your words are beautiful. Your notes harmonize so tenderly with my heart. I feel so good for having visited your little place here today. Thank you.
Jamie Simmerman

B J, Beautifully said. And I intend to write my heart out for Rising Upward. :) Thanks for the encouragement.

I've come to find that few of the people I meet, online and off, who do call themselves Christians really have faith. They are still stuck in that superficial, judgmental, keeping up appearances phase, and have never experienced the Great Romance.

We are a rare and precious few. :)
B J Keltz

Just one little post script. Quite a few of our online friends don't share our faith. It does not affect my affection for them one little bit. I still love them. :)

<abbr>B J Keltz´s last spectacular blog post..With Gratitude</abbr>
B J Keltz

I'm a Blue Duck! WOOT!

Jamie, my friend, if you will write half that well for the new venture, you will be fulfilling a purpose we can only dream of when we dream big.

Personally, I look at it this way.

1) You ARE practicing your healing arts. You help your readers heal a little bit every day, and we both know emotional and mental wounds can far outdamage the physical. As you encourage people here and at RU, the audience will widen and the people who most need your message will find it. This I believe.

2). A Prophet is never welcome in his home town. Tough, but true. Jesus didn't have much of a relationship with Nazareth after he began his ministry and part of it was because, to them, he was just Marry and Joseph's kid.

3) Your words have a powerful effect on your readers. Instead of helping a few someones per shift, you are helping hundreds per day. You are also encouraging other Christian business owners to stand with you instead of hiding.

4) When we trust in God for our livelihood and our impact on other people, that impact becomes His. Your letting people know you are a Christian business is a good thing for the curious, and potential clients who will experience the Christian work ethic first hand. In that respect it is also a ministry. Besides, the wisdom of the world cannot run your business better than God can.

Sister of my heart, we share the same Father. I will join you in prayer.

Love,

Barb

<abbr>B J Keltz´s last spectacular blog post..With Gratitude</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Matthew, thank you. Please, never feel like you have to comment or even read for that matter. I'm not out to shove religion down anyone's throat. I've just found a better way to do life and want to share. :)

We take all kinds here, and love you as much as we love Lance, B J, Sal, Sean, James, Harry, and the rest of the Blue Ducks. You are always welcome to speak your mind here. :)

And as far as clients go, they seem to be fairly content with the Christian business aspect, it's friends, family, and other writers that flap their gums at me.

One of my best customers is Jewish. How's that for diversity?

I just think it's important that people know where I'm coning from and I think other Christian business owners need a safe place to congregate and spur each other to live better. it may not be good for business, but it is necessary. :D

Thanks for overlooking our differences, Matthew. It's a very admirable quality and shows a depth of character that few possess.
Matthew Dryden

Jamie, I haven't commented on those posts because it's not who I am - but I respect you for who you are and what you share here on this blog. And if people can't maintain that kind of perspective - you don't want their business anyways.

It's not as if you're forcing them to believe what you believe, but you're just sharing what makes you who you are. And I couldn't ask you for anything else other than that.

Thank you,
- Matthew.

<abbr>Matthew Dryden´s last spectacular blog post..Lynn Addresses the Rumors</abbr>
Ryan

"He braves the darkest hours of my depression to fan the flames of my passion back to life."

The Psalmist would be proud :)

Personally, I enjoy the fact that you don't hide your Christian faith. It's one of the reasons I keep coming back and read other blogs similar to yours. It's not that the others write about the same thing, but they share their faith as part of who they are--they don't hide it. Your last two posts (and this one) have been exactly what I check my reader for. You're more than your beliefs, but you're not you without them.

Please continue to be different.
Jamie Simmerman

Hey Ryan,

You know, I kinda felt like I psalmist when this rant was written. :)

I am glad that there a few truth seekers out there who aren't offended by my faith. I firmly believe we are called to be different, and that's one transformation that wasn't that hard for me. I've been a little off-center my whole life. :D

Thanks for coming faithfully, Ryan. You make the pain of writing from the heart worthwhile.
Writer Dad

Jamie, you should never be a shred less than who you are. I love that you advertise yourself as a Christian. Not because I share the faith, but because it is authentic. There is nothing worse than being shackled by the outlook of others. Being politically correct is stepping in line with some pretty ridiculous conformity. You're awesome and one Jamie. Don't change a thing.

I feel you on the feed reader thing too, oh boy.

P.S. Peeing in the shower is WAY better than peeing in the bath.

<abbr>Writer Dad´s last spectacular blog post..Writing Without a Niche</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Sean, dude, I could never be a shred less than who I am unless I was heavily medicated.

I respect your differing views and cherish your friendship all that much more because of it. ;)

Peeing in the bath, huh? Never tried that one. That might take me to a new level of antisocial behavior. Thanks for reading my drivel even when it's not your favorite cuisine. That makes you a bigger man than most.
Lance

Jamie,
You know what draws me here - to read your words? It's the raw honesty I believe you truly display. Your words resonate, because they are spoken from the heart. It's why I'm here today, going over everything I've missed in the last few days. Because I don't want to just "skim" over what you've written. I want it to really soak in. So, some may say you shouldn't bring up God, some say you shouldn't write. I say that you're doing exactly what you should be doing. As a nurse, you help people heal physically. Here, your words help me, lead me to a greater understanding...and are healing in their own rite.

So, I love your word - surrender. It is scary. It's scary for me, just starting to think about it in my own life. And yet, it's also freeing, I think. Freeing you from any chains that are holding you back...

I do know your God, Jamie. And I will be praying for you...

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..And The Word Is…</abbr>
Jamie Simmerman

Lance, my friend, you are such an inspiration. Thanks for always being the first in line, and the loudest cheerleader. Your grinning mug makes me smile.

I write truthfully because it's the only way I know how. Honestly, I've tried to suppress it, but everything just comes out wrong. I was born with an overabundance of honesty and loyalty. So far, they've been a blessing and a curse. But life is too short to waste time with mind games, lies, and deceptions.

If i get called home today, I want my last written words to ring true, to hold a deeper value, to reflect love.

I'm not a romantic in any sense of the word. I don't like beating around the bush, I prefer it when people shoot from the hip, and I think very logically for a writer. I tolerate romance in novels so I get on to the good parts, but i never seek out or enjoy all that mushy stuff. I think that's why this Great Romance has caught me off guard. It's nothing I would ever have sought after. Its power drew me in and overwhelmed me.

OK, so I'm short on sleep and waxing poetic again. :) My bad. I've gotta stop hanging out with that sappy Writer Dad fella. He's bad for my hard case image. ;)