Real: Up Close and Personal

@Lance,

It is an interesting thing, when you have these experiences. I am an engineer by trade, yet, I seem to be able to initiate these conversations with almost anyone.

I've done some of those personality tests and the results seem to indicate my strengths are elsewhere, the more human and emotional side (like a counselor of some kind, perhaps). Never too late to change careers :)

<abbr>Brett Legree´s last spectacular blog post..a perfect storm.</abbr>

@Mimi - An excellent point about the societal norms we face. I'm a guy, so I need to always portray strength and lack of emotion (especially emotions related to hurt) - or so that's how I can feel. And letting go of these societal norms is not easy. This is all such a powerful thought - the norms we follow because we think we should because of what is "accepted". Yet, if that's not real, if that's not us - it's time to break the chains that hold us back (that's something Jamie shared with me a while back). And to those that matter, to those we love in our lives, they should see us for who we really are. Even through the facades we sometimes put up. So, does my wife see through all of that? See the real me? Yes. And as we've grown to where we're at today, this is a good place to be... Mimi, thanks so much for your comments, and for all your continued support.

@J.D. - Once we get over the fear of being truly "real" - I think you are right, J.D. - there is power and strength that comes from this. It may be inner power and strength - where we are able to really hold true to our convictions - and this is powerful in itself. Thanks for stopping by!

@Brett - I'm sure there is much more here, yet what you've shared really did paint the picture of what was going on - I appreciate your openness. And a great example of the "how are you? fine" typical response. That's a good connection you had going on - and it makes me think about how one question like this, to the right person - really can trigger a conversation and build a connection between two people where there previously was none - all by one question, and some heartfelt listening.

@Wendi - The play you did really does fit how we live our lives sometimes. And "real" becomes distorted as - which is the real you? And do we really need to do this - to switch back and forth depending upon who we're talking to? If we're truly being real, then no we should just be who we are. And thank you, Wendi, for sharing part of your story. If we are working toward the life God desires for us, then we're moving in the right direction. If we're being real while we're doing this, then how much more meaningful life is for us! God is our light in the world, and He shines brightly! Thank you for all of this Wendi - your words continue to bring comfort and provide light in the darkness...

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..Are These My Skinny Jeans?</abbr>

Lance and Jamie,

great post. John and I did a play about this subject a few months ago at Church. It was about a man in his office on the phone. On one line was a very important business deal that he was NOT going to lose. He was speaking harshly ,wheeling and dealing, using rough language and pushing the person around. On the other line, was the Paster of his church, and he was quoting scripture to his pasture and discussing the upcoming sermon that next week. The two messages that he was giving to the two different men were the opposite and of course he got the phone lines mixed up at the end! It was a comedy that forced everyone to look at the way we switch back and forth between the various roles in our lives.

I live in the same small town I have lived in since I was a little girl. My sins have been been right there for all the world to see for 48 years. drug use when I was a kid, teen pregnancy, marriages and divorce...whatever. The point is you wake up every day and God gives us the chance to start over, look into his LIGHT, Praise him and say- HE is Perfect, I am NOT, I don't have to be, I just have to keep working TOWARD it and not give up the good fight. Thank God he is there to catch me when I fall cause I am clumsy.

<abbr>Wendi Kelly- Life's Little Inspirations´s last spectacular blog post..Inspired Movies</abbr>

@Lance,

Very happy to share our story - of course, there is much more to it, but that little snippet seemed appropriate.

Yes, do give it a shot - just today, I asked a lady at the cafeteria, "how is your day going today?" - and she told me all about her planned trip next week to Australia. We had a really nice chat about that part of the world (I've not been to Oz, but my wife has family there, and we've gone to New Zealand).

It was much nicer than the "how are you? fine" thing.

-Brett

<abbr>Brett Legree´s last spectacular blog post..viking mondays? courage.</abbr>

There's a ton of power in congruence.

I like the power and strength that comes from keeping things real. All that really means to me is simply not trying to sustain things that are fake.

<abbr>J.D. Meier´s last spectacular blog post..Avoid Mental Burnout</abbr>

@Dot, there is nothing wrong with being angry, but the problem comes in how is anger expressed? Being in the psychology field, you are very aware that suppressing anger leads to depression and other issues. Going back to Lance's faith, even Jesus was angry with the money changers in the temple and he is seem as the only example of a sinless man.

Whether someone calls it sin or doing the wrong thing, there are behaviors that are wrong. Christians call these sin. You can call it whatever you want but the purpose of confessing them to God, (or others) is to free yourself from them. As Christians, we confess our sins to God as a way of agreeing that what we did wasn't right and then we give it over to God and ask for forgiveness. It is a way to not carry the baggage with us all our lives. A little grace goes a long way.

I also love to be real. The last job I had didn't work out because I was who I am and didn't fit their mold of who they thought I should be. Should I always be real? Yes. I should always be myself but that doesn't mean I should always share personal information. If I am an outgoing person, I shouldn't act shy to gain approval. If I am a Christian, I should hide my faith because someone might be offended. It doesn't mean I go preaching to everyone but I will not hide my beliefs either. I think you can real but not be vulnerable. There is more to being real than just exposing yourself. Take Lance for instance. Lance has been real on his blog. He believes everything he professes to believe. Here though, he was more vulnerable in that he shared some things in his closet. He is real in both places but more vulnerable in this place.

Dot, your comment gave me lots to think about, thanks for that. Have a "real"ly great day! (tongue in cheek)

@Jenny I wonder how many of us deal with that self love problem. I know I do. Typical first born female with a shame based personality, lol. I take on all the faults (as in "sorry, my fault," and always view others as higher or better than myself.

You've given me something to think about. Thank you.

@Brett It works well, doesn't it? I hate hearing "fine," though I'm not always patient enough to listen to a laundry list. :/

<abbr>B J Keltz´s last spectacular blog post..Zap!</abbr>

Jamie,
What a great rope you threw out there. And what an amazing catch you found in Lance :-) Thanks for sharing with us.

Lance,
I am catholic but mainly because it was a religion chosen for me at my birth. I am spiritual but not in a religious way.

I love your 'confession'. And you know what? If you find ONE person that is NOT guilty of all of your bullet points, give me a call because I must come over and see this for myself. I sure am guilty of that behavior. But realizing that it's not our best behavior is already a step in the right direction. It does not make us a bad person. It makes us human.

We are being taught a certain behavior from early childhood on: this is good and this is bad. Boys are told they need to be strong and crying is for babies so they end up being men with a macho side and unable to show they real feelings.

Girls a being taught that roughhousing is not ladylike so the become women who have trouble standing up for and taking care of themselves.

So I think that all this 'bad' but oh so real behavior we have is us when were children trying to come out and say: look at you! Will you let this happen? Will you let someone else dictate how you should feel, what you should be? Will you let other people's judgements affect you in a deconstructive way?

As long as we communicate with the ones we love about our behavior and try to learn from it we're on the right track. I am sure your wife knows your selfish pride by now and more than likely knows how to handle it :-) because she knows it will pass.

Thanks for sharing. The real you is better than any fake.

<abbr>Mindful Mimi´s last spectacular blog post..Information: a source of learning or a burden?</abbr>

@Cricket/Tammy - I, too, remember when you began your new blog -- and I was drawn in by your honesty there. You helped to give wings to this post, Tammy. Being in the moments of life, and being true to yourself in those moments... We are who we are - the good, the bad, the ugly. You are an inspiration Tammy. Thank you for everything here, and for all you write...

@Davina - Thank you, Davina. Your words are both humbling and comforting. This was hard to write, and harder yet to send to Jamie. What I'm hearing here - that is making this all okay. I'm not perfect, I never have been - and that's just fine...

@Brett - I may just try that - "How's your day going?" - and see what response I get. A slight twist might be enough to elicit what is really going on, and generate some real and honest discussion. And, thanks for sharing the rest of the story about the parking lot. While I can't imagine what losing a child is like - I do know that in times of need, the assistance of freinds/family/strangers is greatly appreciated. And when we experience moments like that, connections do get stronger. What's interesting is that as we look at this - how many people could be affected by this one small act. And not for the better. Which leads along something I wrote about earlier this week - the idea that no gesture is really a small gesture. We just never know what affect it may have downstream of us. Brett, thanks for sharing this very personal story, one which fits so well with being real.

@Audra - Just reading your words, I feel my heart pounding a little harder. Why? I think it's because in what you're asking - this does still challenge me. As okay as I feel right now with what I've written here (I've gotten to okay because of a caring and supportive community here) - it still feels so risky to continue to step out of these imaginary boundaries I've put up. Audra, your words here today DO challenge me - and thank you for that. I need to be challenged to step away from these walls... Just as Jamie challenged me with this. Thank you for all your encouragement, for everything...

@Mark - Well, yes that is true. We are real all the time. What are we hiding behind the mask? What imperfections do we not want to be seen? And how can we begin to accept those imperfections. "Be"ing - being our true selves - in God's eyes, in our own eyes, in the eyes of everyone who sees us - getting to the point where these are all aligned, what a place to get to. Thanks, Mark, for these thoughts today - I have much to really think about here...

@Jewel - "Allowing" is such an important word in this conversation on "real". In allowing ourselves to be real, to show our imperfections - we connect not only with our Father in heaven, also with those around us. I'm seeing that today, very strongly. Thank you, Jewel, for being "you"...

@Dot - Being real. That is that we do get angry sometimes. We all do. I'm not sure that real means you have to confess your sins to the world. It's about not putting up those walls that shield a part of us. You bring up a good point, Dot, about if it's always appropriate. I think I tend to agree with you that in some situations, maybe it's best to keep a wall up and just move on. Hmm...that's a tough one. Thank you, Dot, for making me really think about this in a little different light...

@Karl - Being judged, yes that's the feelings I was having as I was sent this to Jamie. Being seen as different - will we not be accepted for who we are? And yet, as you say, people really are drawn to authenticity... Thanks, Karl, very much, for this.

@Jenny Mannion - Hi Jenny. I think we all have lapses. And yet, if we keep that bottled up, and everyone else keeps their lapses bottled up - no one realizes just how alike we are. Getting to the point of self love and self acceptance is a major step in really accepting who we are - just the way we are. Jenny, your words are too kind. It has been a joy and honor to get to know you, and you shine of real-ness yourself. Just like my friend, Jamie...

@Jennifer - ...and I hide as well, Jennifer. I hide for fear of what others think. I hide because of embarrassment. I hide because I don't fit a "norm". I hide because I'm insecure. Yet, I can't hide from Jesus. He sees...always. I'm sending a virtual pat on the head to your dog! The idea of your real life and your online life meshing - I think that's an excellent point Jennifer. Maybe we can be working our way toward where we desire to be - and there's a level of safety doing that online? It is a journey. And a journey worht being on. Jennifer, I can't thank you enough for everything you've done for me on this journey, for your words of truth here, and for you being real and authentic in everything I've seen. Thank you.

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..As Real As It Gets</abbr>

That IS as real as it gets. I'm almost speechless. Thank you to both of you, Lance and Jamie.

We feel so free when we are real. We feel so free when we are around others who are real. Yet, I hide too.

I'm a Christian and I'm a sinner and I'm forgiven because of Jesus. So why do I sometimes hide. I suppose it's the same reason everyone does. We want to look perfect.

My frustration usually gets taken out on my dog - poor guy, but that's MUCH less frequent than it used to be. He still loves me. I don't always treat my husband with the respect he deserves - or others either. It could go on an on. I try very hard to do the best I can and I make improvements all the time, but still I fail and I make mistakes - LOTS of them. Am I as real in "real life" as I am on the computer? In many ways yes, but in other ways.....Who is? I strive to be and as I write and interact with everyone in the blogosphere I find that my "real life" meshes more and more with my identity online. I think in a lot of ways, my identity online is who I want to be and the longer I have been online the more it has spilled over into my life in every way. It's kind of my journey to who I am striving to become. But, still I fail. I'm real too and I make mistakes. Period.

Thanks again Lance and Jamie.

<abbr>Jennifer´s last spectacular blog post..Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?</abbr>

Nice to meet you Jamie! Hi Lance!
Wow - this was beautiful. I think we have all done one or all of the things you mentioned Lance. In consciousness we become aware of those things either right before or as they happen -- I'm working on it - but I still have my lapses! No one expects anyone else to be perfect but yet many put that expectation on themselves... it is unfair and in self love and self acceptance we realize everything can be a learning experience. I think the world of you Lance and I think YOU are about as "real" as they come.
Love, Jenny

<abbr>Jenny Mannion´s last spectacular blog post..Interview with James Sinclair, Director of “What If?” Part I</abbr>

Being the "real you" takes guts. We are afraid of being judged by others. We don't want to be shunned from the crowd. The funny thing is the people who embrace their "real selves" are the ones that people gravitate towards.

<abbr>Karl Staib - Work Happy Now´s last spectacular blog post..Open and Honest Communication</abbr>

Visiting from Lance's blog. Coming from a very different spiritual place, and also from a psychological view of things, I don't believe in "sin" or being required to confess them to others.

I also don't believe, as it seems so many commenters do, that there's anything wrong with getting angry. That, too, is a part of being real.

But I do believe in being real. For me, it's been a process over a long time. Having been harshly punished for expressing emotions as a child, it's stll a process I'm going through. I strive to be as real as I can, and the feedback I get is that it's working.

I don't think it's always appropriate to be real, though. In situations where the other person isn't trustworthy and will betray, mock or insult you, it's probably a better idea to protect yourself than to be vulnerable. But in loving, safe relationships, being real keeps the relationship healthy.

Thanks for this post, Jamie and Lance.

<abbr>Dot´s last spectacular blog post..Question for Subscribers</abbr>

To me, being real means allowing myself to be imperfect, and not beating myself up over it.

It's making the most of what Heavenly Father gives me.

It's setting aside my brave face and letting others see my weaknesses.

An intricate balance of sharing versus keeping some things close to my heart.

I am still trying to figure this one out myself.

<abbr>Jewel/Pink Ink´s last spectacular blog post..Job Description</abbr>

This is a real conversation, great thoughts that you have shared about the "real" you. "What is real" is a great question. All that we are is "real" even when we are putting on a mask, the mask is part of the real us. Trying to say that putting on the mask is not the real self is interesting because it is our real self who dons the mask.
One of the keys to accepting that we are "real" is to accept our imperfection and the beauty of our imperfection. Once we do this, we begin to drop the facade and we allow ourselves to be more real. Maybe being "real" is not the question, maybe it is more about not attempting to live up to expectations of others or even our perceived expectations of what God wants us to be. We must simply "be".
Great post, you have given us much to think about. Thank-you.

<abbr>Mark´s last spectacular blog post..A Witness to History</abbr>

Hi Lance,
This is the king of all your posts. This, the real stuff is exactly what I've been waiting for. So how do I feel about you now, you ask? I respect and admire the courage and strength you have inside to be so authentic. I'm most appreciative of your realization, that your strength comes from one place alone, one God, Jesus the Christ. This type of authenticity is what the world needs a whole lot more of. This writing will reach and inspire people around the world. I encourage you to do more like this! Thanks Jamie!!

<abbr>Audra Krell´s last spectacular blog post..Truth in the Media</abbr>

@Lance,

I'm glad that you raised that point too, when you ask people "how are you?", usually they say "fine" even when they are not.

I started a while back asking instead "how's your day going?" - and you know what, people actually seem to give a straight answer that way. As if "how are you? - fine" is a conditioned response.

I ask everyone that - the guy at the gas station, my co-workers, you name it - and more often than not, you'll hear them say "I feel ill today" or "my computer is acting up" or whatever. And you get a real dialog, and a chance to help out.

It's kind of nice actually - human.

There was something else to my parking lot encounter too that I didn't mention.

I live in a small town (less than 4000 people) and when I thought about it afterward, I knew that I recognized the other fellow. We have not been formally introduced, but I worked with his wife many years ago - that's how I recognized him, because I've seen them together around town.

His wife is a very nice lady and on a personal level, when we lost a child back in 2001, she was the one who put together a little package of things for us (a gift card and some other things).

I guess that's why I try to remember how connected we all really are and after this incident and realizing how it could have gone the other way, I'll just redouble my efforts.

Had I said anything mean towards him, it would have made his day worse than it already was, it would have made my day worse, and it quite possibly would have affected someone who had been kind to me so many years ago.

I'm going to think about this one for a while.

<abbr>Brett Legree´s last spectacular blog post..viking mondays? courage.</abbr>

Hi Jamie and Lance. This was an intense post and Betsy started the ball rolling with her comment, "Whoaaa. Way to lay it bare." LOL

This was an excellent read! And, I have to be brutally honest here too and say with no disrespect AT ALL, that nothing really blew me away. Why?

Because from what I know of Lance, he IS authentic. Period. End of story. Yelling at kids for no reason, shunning a spouse because of selfish pride, belittling others for no reason, and shouting obscenities to other drivers is all surface stuff.

You have an intent to be the best you can be and you show that to your readers. I continue to enjoy reading your blog Lance and would think nothing less of you for these "secrets". If anything you've given me permission to accept my own faults and move on.

Jamie, this is my first time on your blog and it won't be my last :-)

<abbr>Davina´s last spectacular blog post..How Curious Moments Add Value</abbr>

Thank you both for your honesty.

Lance, i remember the night I began my new blog and I sat down and typed something that had been hidden to many of my readers. I felt like a huge burden had been lifted off of my shoulders. What you have shared here does not change the opinion each of us have of you. We are all human. We are all subject to "days" when we just don't have our "real self" alive.

A couple of weeks ago I actually took some time off from reading blogs. I was finding myself digging for things that involved "self improvement" and I paused and told myself...I am fine. I am happy. I enjoy life. Sure there are things I need to work on. I have chosen not to worry about them. Take each day as it comes and life will be just fine.

I have learned that never again will I be silent about my flaws. They are part of me.

Jamie...this was a wonderful post and I know there are so many readers that benefited from this honesty.

<abbr>Cricket/Tammy´s last spectacular blog post..Validation</abbr>

@Betsy - This one was tough to write. Being "real" isn't always easy... The Velveteen Rabbit is a great story of love. And I've never thought about it this was - this whole connection with "real". Love allows "real". And that Man Upstairs - yep, He's the ultimate in loving. Remembering that...yes. Thank you Betsy.

@Marelisa - Hi Mare. Behind a screen (computer, walls we put up, etc) - we can work our image to be what we want it to be. It is branding - yet, is it real? Is it uniquely "us"? Maybe that's what branding is, though - as you say - the image we want to portray - whether that is the "right" image or not. And you're right Mare, I am definitely human! With all my faults, bad habits, etc, etc. Thanks Mare, for everything...

@Sean - Sean, that's a great example - your "Writer Dad" moniker. It helps to portray the brand, or image, you want to be seen. Yet - behind it all - is a real person, living a real life. Thanks much Sean.

@Jannie - Thank you, very much, for this, Jannie. And guess what, I have a couple of those fingers I've used too. Yes we all falter - and we all will again. And we'll dust ourselves off and get back up. And life will go on...

@Brett - Ask someone how they're doing, and the typical response is "fine". Yet, is everyone really "fine"? You're right, we put our best face on sometimes before we go out (into the blogworld, to jobs, to parties, to church, ...). The Big Guy is pretty good at forgiveness, all we have to do is ask. And, Brett, good move in the parking lot. Some things are worth standing up for, fighting for - and some things are just someone with a chip on their shoulder. Thank for all of this here tonight.

@Barbara - Thank you Barbara. Like I've mentioned, this piece was very hard for me to write - I did feel like I was exposing myself - and yet - that's exactly what Jamie and I were talking about - getting to the "real" us. So, your words are comforting, and for that I'm grateful.

@Julie - Hi Julie. Jamie sent me a copy of the whole thing for my "okay" before she posted it today. As I read it, and even more so, as I was replying to her - saying that it was all good - there was this knot in my stomach. This was all hard to publicly say. Your boss - he has a good way to publicly noticing his faults. I'm guessing this really does help him to do these things less and less. And in making you feel more comfortable, I'm guessing that makes you more "real" also. Julie, thank you, very deeply, for everything here.

@Jay - Getting real, something I think you know a thing or two about, Jay. As I write, I can make the story be whatever I want it to be. Hopefully, what I am writing is real. Yet, it hasn't been real on the same level as this post is. This really delved into the other side of real - the side that doesn't get exposed as often. And the truth is, it's not all sunshine around here. Sure, some days are. And yet, there are other days that bring on the storms of life. A fifties sitcom, I am not - I like that Jay! Jamie really did a great job of getting this whole conversation going, and taking this to the next level. Jay, thank you for all of this here today.

@Annette - That's it, Annette - Sunday can sometimes be forgotten before Sunday afternoon has begun. Maybe it is about saying something like that - "where is Jesus in my life". I like that. Especially in the daily tasks that can sometimes pull us down - "where is Jesus in all of this". Thank you, Annette, for sharing this today, for reading, and for inspiring.

@Maya - Yes, we all mess up. Sometimes, I forget that. I can see people who look like everything is perfect, and think that's that case. Yet, they're human just like you and me. And who knows what they have hiding behind their walls. Nobody is perfect. Forgiveness, whether we find that easy or hard, is still what needs to happen before we can move on. And move on, we must. Celebrating the positive, Maya, is such a great way to accentuate all the good in the world - even knowing there is bad happening, even right within ourselves. Being authentic, being real...this was tough for me today. Tough, but oh so good. Thank you Maya, for everything you've said here.

@Kristin - Wow, Kristin. You are indeed passing on good. What you've written here is powerfully freeing. Especially in seeing where you came from to where you are today. What a journey you've been on - and one that is now taking you down that road of living authentically and with much love. Thank you, Krisitn, for sharing part of this journey here. Your words you've written provide light in the darkness tonight...

@Tammie - Yes, your blog title fits this so well! And when it comes to being a Christian - I couldn't agree more - it's not just about what happens inside the walls or a church that makes a person a Christian - it really is everything that happens outside of those walls. We will mess up - yet we keep on trying, keep on studying, getting closer to God - that's what we can do. Thank you, Tammie, for this, and for sharing some Bible verses that really are so in line with all of this being said here tonight.

@Natalia - You're right on about this not being easy for me. It really was the hardest piece I've written. I am just like you - a sinner - daily making mistakes. Never getting it perfectly right. Admitting that (especially here for the world to see) was not easy at all. Yet, I am finding much comfort in the words of others, in your words Natalia. The comments are oozing with "real" also. And for me, that is good. Natalia, thank you, so much. What you're saying here is so nice of you, and I am truly grateful.

@Scott - That's exactly how I'm feeling, also, Scott - comforted. And it really is because of the real-ness I'm feeling throughout the comments I'm reading. Was I in comfort when I sent this to Jamie - no way! So, it's all the wonderful and caring people that are making that so. It's you, Scott, lighting the way. You're so right - it's not about who's better than who. It's about love and caring. A wonderful community indeed! Thank you, Scott - for all of this.

@Henie - You are always so creative Henie! What a great acronym for REAL. If we could all do those four things - Reveal, Expose, Accept, and Love --- just think on the possibilities! Thank your for sharing this, my friend.

@Meleah - Meleah, that's great that you're able to be "real" - it's something that is not always easy for people to get to. And seeing it - seeing you - the real you - always - is comforting in that real does exist. Thank you for being "you" - the real "you"...

@BJ - Letting that mask down is hard. What will others think? I was feeling that way as I was writing this piece, knowing I would be giving it to Jamie to share with the world. God does love us unconditionally. Despite our imperfections. Despite our brokenness. Despite our sins. We have a God who is full of grace and compassion! Why can't I always remember that? Why do I think more about what the guy down the street thinks, than what God cares about? That's part of the journey for me - putting down that mask... Thank you, so much, BJ, for sharing here tonight.

@Stacey Shipman - It can be a beautiful road to travel - the road toward authenticity. It can also be a difficult road to travel - facing the demons that have kept us from reaching this place before. We are all human, and we all have human failings. You get what you see. And if we're doing that - living our lives as authentically as we can - then you do get what you see. And that's a good place to get to. And, you're exactly right - this post took a lot of courage - I AM living my word for 2009! And right now, that feels great! Stacey, thank you, for reminding me that I'm living this word "courage", and for sharing your wonderful thoughts on all of this.

@Laurie - Thank you, really, Laurie, for helping me get there. This, all of it, is not easy for me. Tonight I am finding much comfort in being here at this place...

@Daphne - Hi Daphne. This was difficult for me. This challenged me in many ways. This scared me. And today, now, this brings me comfort and peace. The walls we put up to protect us - do they really? Or do they only hide what there, eating away at us. Breaking down these walls - as hard as that may seem - is just what we really need to do. Daphne, thank you so much for all your continued support, for your words here tonight, and for really just being you...

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..As Real As It Gets</abbr>

Jamie, I can't thank you enough for really spurring this conversation on. And for challenging me in all of this, to look deeply into what that one simple word - real - meant. Being here, on your site, today - is so comforting - and liberating. I am honored to be here with you, to be able to connect with so many, to feel a newer level of freedom. You are truly a light in this world Jamie - today you've been that light for me. And you've shined brightly. Much like the God we worship...He is indeed working through you...

<abbr>Lance´s last spectacular blog post..As Real As It Gets</abbr>

Hi Jamie and Lance,

This is such a humbling post to read. I am humbled by Lance's courage in agreeing to put all that he wrote up here publicly. And my admiration has shot up a hundredfold.

So many of us fear that people won't love us if they knew who we really were, when really we are all the same. We yell at kids, we give the cold shoulder... this is all part of being flawed humans yet we try to hide it from each other.

Thanks for taking the first step to break down these artificials walls and challenging us all to be real, and honest about it.

<abbr>Daphne´s last spectacular blog post..How Does Your Life Script Read?</abbr>

Wow. all I can say is wow. I fully intend to respond to everyone, and I have part two planned for tomorrow, but right now I need to nurse a migraine.

Will be back ASAP, and thank you everyone for your kind words and support. It means a lot.

Lance,
I am proud that you are being out there especially with your faith. I say be who you are and let the world deal with it! You rock my friend!!!!

I found my way from Lance's blog. A great post on a topic that has been on a lot of minds lately. At least the minds of people I talk to regularly. I know I spent a lot of time over the past 2 years answering this question - who am I and discovering my authenticity. It's a beautiful road to travel.

Nothing you wrote surprised me as I think so many people think or feel it but never come to terms with it.

We're human, we swear, drink, smoke, eat too much, yell at our partners. I don't know anyone who hasn't done at least some of these things.

I've always said this is me, take it or leave it...I am doing the best I can with the knowledge I have.

This post proves, Lance, you are living up to your word for 2009 - courage!

One of the worst fears of my childhood what that people would see through the mask...and walk away. It took me years to get through and beyond that fear...or have I completely?

We get so busy with our blogs and our readers and our "niche" and the masks we wear that we can lose sight of who we really are...and that's such a shame.

Who we really are is someone God loves unconditionally. It is who we are meant to be. His Light shines best through brokenness. His Grace is revealed best through our flaws and shortcomings.

None of us is perfect. We all fall short, without fail. He is the only perfection, and He is most visible to others through us when we are "real."

Thank you, Lance and Jamie.

<abbr>BJ Keltz´s last spectacular blog post..Zap!</abbr>

I came over here by way of LANCE'S blog.

I personally have never struggled with being REAL. Real Honest, Real Blunt and Real as it gets.

Im too lazy to work that hard at hiding my 'flaws'. I figure people will find out what I am hiding eventually, so I might as well show them who I am right off the bat.

<abbr>meleah rebeccah´s last spectacular blog post..I Cooked A Meal. And Nobody Died.</abbr>

Wow! Deep and heavy post...thank you!

Here's what came up for me:

R - Reveal
E - Expose
A - Accept
L - Love

Namaste,
Henie

Guys, I don't know what to say. I'm just in awe of this post.

At the same time, I'm comforted. Comforted because I now know I'm not the only one thinking this way.

The post, the comments, it's all very uplifting to me. It's as if We Christians are finally saying, after all these years "I GET IT NOW!" I feel a movement toward a more family base, which is what Christianity is supposed to be, and away from I'm better than you, better than you, who's better than you. And I can hear the applause loud and clear in Heaven.

I am so glad to be a part of this community, both this blogging community, and the Christian community. I'm also glad that you are all a part of it as well.

Thank you so much.

<abbr>Scott´s last spectacular blog post..Rehab Reflections: You Can Walk With Me?</abbr>

Whoa! Awesome post and thank you so much for your brutal honesty. I'm sure that it wasn't easy for you. I am a Christian and sinner as well, I yell at my son when I get stressed or tired or impatient! I criticize my husband and micro manage him. I'm trying so hard to break that one as he ventures into his new role of a business owner. I'm selfish, I'm insecure, I'm impatient. I have a hard time being honest with my feelings and I put things off onto other people so that I won't look bad. Ugh! I recently confessed this to my sister, as it was her that I was doing it to and I felt sooo much better.

Am I surprised at what you wrote, no, but I am happy to learn that you are like me and you make mistakes.

Lance, just when I thought I couldn't admire you any more than I already do, you go and do something like this.

You are awesome!!!! :)

<abbr>Natalia Burleson´s last spectacular blog post..New Beginnings!</abbr>

Wow ... now that's real, and I respect that! I'm a Christian too ... a Christ follower ... and being real is SO very important to me. So much so that I used it as my blog title!

I believe that when it comes to being a Christian, going to church regularly doesn't make you real, wearing a choir robe doesn't make you real, teaching a class doesn't make you real, preaching the Sunday morning sermon doesn't make you real ... what makes you real is living life in line with God's Word.

~ If it says that we must confess our sins, ask for His forgiveness, and don't return to those things again ... then we DO that. (Acts 19:18-19)

~ If it says to meditate on God's Word, and talk about it, and be careful to do everything written in it ... then we DO that. (see Joshua 1:8)

~ If it says to forgive people when they offend us, so the Father will forgive us when we offend Him ... then we DO that. (see Matt 6:14-15)

That is the kind of stuff that makes us real ... studying God's Word, then putting it into practice, knowing we aren't going to get it right every time, but making it our determined purpose to keep on trying.

Great post Jamie and Lance ... keep it real!

Wow. It sounds like several of us have been thinking about the same thing lately. On Monday I wrote a post about my mother-in-law (How Frankie Jean left Cali and became Mary), and how her ability to be real was exactly what I needed when I met her son (now my husband) and his family in 2005. Here's how I put it:

"...I was feeling really crappy about myself and my life. Part of me was wanting desperately to be the person everyone seemed to think I was: happy, put together, lucky, and just plain good. Another, even bigger part of me was dying to make peace with who I really was, while worrying, deep down, whether that kind of person could be loved by the people I wanted love from."

The freedom and unconditional love that came from my new husband and his family was and is amazing. Passing that freedom along to others is a big part of what I hope I can do on my blog.

Thanks Jamie and Lance, for being so honest and open to what's happening inside of each of you.

<abbr>Kristin T.´s last spectacular blog post..Why we must be together today</abbr>

Beautiful post!

I think in real life or in the virtual world, there is only so far we can take pretense. So sooner or later, this self-branding thing in the virtual world will fail - or just cost too much (effort and time and pain perhaps) if we are not authentic ....it is just a matter of time.

I think what really matters is how we handle ourselves AFTER we have made a mistake in either space...I think the beauty lies in forgiving ourselves and others and learning from it. In giving my ego a break and moving forward with grace - real or virtual world hardly matters. If I felt miserable and cried in a corner, who would live my life and who would teach my kids HOW to live? I have to live, learn, make mistakes, apologize, learn more and move on ....

In my life, I focus and celebrate the positives - it is what keeps me going. Yes we all mess up and stumble in our lives everyday, but the real truth is that we are also working very hard to be good people .... So I think it is not about denying that we are messing up, but simply accepting that and focusing on the positives.

<abbr>Maya´s last spectacular blog post..Preparing to Believe in Yourself: The Science of Ditchiness</abbr>

Very nice! It's so easy to go to church on Sunday and then just cruise through the week.........I know I do it when I'm not aware. Our priest recently told us to remind ourselves........"where is Jesus in my life"........to keep him on our mind in whatever we are doing. For me that may be while changing a diaper........be in the moment and remember why and how we are here. It is very comforting when doing the mundane daily tasks.

<abbr>Annette´s last spectacular blog post..Finding Comfort in Something Other Than Food</abbr>

Wow! I love when people get real. You described all of us at some points of out life. The blogging medium tends to paint a picture of the bloggers in only the light that is written. When you read Jungle, you envision a guy who wakes up to sunshine, kids and wife, adoringly looking on as he runs 5 miles a day, works hard, and comes up to change our lives one word at a time. However, Lance is a real person, not a fifities sitcom- go figure! Thank you both for showing this with us. If anything, it only propelled the huge respect I already had for you.

<abbr>Jay´s last spectacular blog post..The Ripple Effect</abbr>

Hi, Jamie. Hi, Lance. You're both very courageous and honest, and I thank you.

We are all imperfect, and you're right, that trying to hide this fact can be a burden for those of us who take ourselves and our behavior very seriously. When we reach for perfection, we know that simply announcing or confessing our sins doesn't quite cut it. It's noticing and eliminating our unwanted behaviors that we strive for. When we continually fail at eliminating them, we can be very hard on ourselves.

It's even harder some of us to just make light of our failures and move on. Here's another way, a constructive method of balancing perfection and simple awareness, which I've not encountered before:

My boss is a delightful guy, and everyone enjoys him because he is exactly himself. He continually monitors his behavior and he openly announces when he's not lived up to his own code, then apologizes for it. He publicly catches himself with his own faults. Not ALL of them, just some. For instance, he might say something about someone then catch himself with "that was really bad of me!", meaning it in a heartfelt, self-improvement way.

He apologizes all the time for things most wouldn't even consider infractions. He's truly trying to be the best person he can be. (He's also one of the happiest people I've met!) His method encourages us to relax, be ourselves, remove our masks. It also makes us aware of our own inclinations to cover our imperfections, and gives us an example to follow on how to manage them differently.

Lance, I can imagine how difficult this was to write. Rest assured that you are not alone! I'm happy---and relieved---that you chose to share this with us. You've just made my life a little freer. Thank you!

<abbr>Julie´s last spectacular blog post..This is the Day!</abbr>

What an awesome post. I'm sitting here thinking about what I just read and am speechless. The honesty that Lance bares is something most of us have said to ourselves, but haven't admitted to others. I love the part where he says, "Your life is meant to be lived, and that’s about being real and being authentic. " Amen.

<abbr>Barbara Swafford´s last spectacular blog post..Not So New Blogs - From Spain to Singapore</abbr>

Excellent piece today, very thoughtful. I suppose many (most?) of us would tend to put on our best face on our blogs, or whatever.

Like we would at work, perhaps, or in a job interview.

All of those things Lance listed - yep, I've done 'em.

But I don't go into work and tell everybody in the coffee room about it, much like in a job interview I wouldn't tell the panel all of the mistakes I've made.

Part of being human, I guess. We make mistakes - lots of them. Everyone knows it too. We ask for forgiveness, and we receive it from The Big Guy.

We keep trying. We do the best we can, and hope for the best.

Some days, I make the wrong choices.

Hopefully most days I make the right choices.

Today, I made a right choice, turned the other cheek, literally.

(No word of a lie, someone tried to goad me into a verbal confrontation in a parking lot at 7 am today - I could have shouted the guy down, but I let it go. It just wasn't worth it. He had a bone to pick with anyone who was handy, and I just said, "my mistake".)

<abbr>Brett Legree´s last spectacular blog post..viking mondays? courage.</abbr>

Friend, I've done all these below too...

I’ve yelled at my kid for no good reason.
I’ve shunned my husband because of my own selfish pride.
I’ve put on the face of a happy marriage, on days when things have been ugly
I've never actually yelled at a driver beside me but I may have given the finger once. (or twice, when I was a bit younger.) :)

You've got me crying here. We are all the same. We all falter. We forgive ourselves andwe go on to do our best.

Thank you.

<abbr>Jannie Funster´s last spectacular blog post..And the ukulele song winner is…</abbr>

Mare's right. It's way too easy to be whoever we want to be, brazen behind the keyboard, but we are each human. No more, no less.

I love being Writer Dad because he is an idealized version of who my wife and children see, but Sean is human and makes the same mistakes as everybody else.

Great post guys.

<abbr>Sean´s last spectacular blog post..The Best Writer on the Net</abbr>

Hi Jamie, Hi Lance: It is easy to edit who we really are when we're sitting at home typing into our computers. We can type out a message and then add and delete until it fits perfectly into the image we're trying to create. In fact, isn't that branding: making sure our message is always consistent with the image we want to portray of ourselves and our product. At the same time, we're all aware that nobody is that perfect in "real life".

Of course Lance sometimes says things more harshly than he would have wanted to his family, because he's human. And who hasn't yelled something nasty at a driver who carelessly cuts us off? I think that the more comfortable someone is with themselves, the more real they are in any situation.

Lance, I don't think you've been putting up a wall until now, I just think that you're doing the best you can. And that's the only thing we can do.

Whoaaa. Way to lay it bare.

We talked about What Is Real a while back ourselves at PassingThru, and I quoted the Skin Horse from The Velveteen Rabbit. To paraphrase, when you are worn thin and shabby from being loved with abandon, as a child does with a beloved companion, you are created real by that love. I'd say the Man Upstairs has already worn us very thin in that respect. If only we realize and remember He does.

I am so happy to have read this post.

<abbr>Betsy Wuebker´s last spectacular blog post..PLAY OFFENSE WITH YOUR LIFE’S WORK</abbr>