Top 10 Reasons Not to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

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This is a recycled post from my very early writing days, so be gentle and read it in the sarcastic, good-humored nature it is intended. And for those of you who are die-hard romantics: Happy Valentine’s Day anyways (you deluded souls)! ;)

Top 10 Reasons Not to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

OK, so Christmas has scrooge and Valentine’s Day has me! Join with me if you hate sappy romance and overpriced chocolates by boycotting Valentine’s Day.

The Top Ten Reasons Not to Celebrate Valentine’s Day

  1. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is expected. Dare to be different; march to the beat of your own drum! Start your own ‘Anti-Valentine’s Day’ where you eat chocolate from super-sized bags instead of cheesy, overpriced heart-shaped boxes and refuse to wear anything red
  2. If you don’t have a date for Valentine’s Day, you’ll be tempted accept a date from anyone who is breathing- just to avoid feeling like a loser. *shudders* Boycotting Valentine’s Day celebrations in all forms removes the temptation to sink to such dating lows.
  3. Chocolate makes you fat.
  4. Flowers make you sneeze and they die anyway, resulting in a deep depression as you cram them into the trashcan, creating a pathetic trail of dried up leaves in your wake.
  5. Pink is not slimming. Pink is also very girly and makes men feel wimpy unless they are very secure in their manhood. Most girls like pink, but should we let another nonsense-holiday determine our wardrobe choices for us? Where is the uniqueness in that?
  6. Candy hearts are greatly overrated. Those little candy hearts with cutesy sayings are the Magic Eight Ball™ of Valentine’s Day- except they are all blissful and sappy. Why is there not a “You need therapy” heart or, an “It’s not you, it’s me” heart? Where is the realism?
  7. All the good restaurants are booked two months before Valentine’s Day. Unless you enjoy taking your date to McDonald’s or you are one of those freakishly well-organized people who actually prepare for such occasions in advance, you are just out of luck.
  8. What really happens to all that romance on February 15th? It is just a big letdown for the other 364, non-overly romantic days of the year!
  9. Valentine’s Day helps to blur the line between love and physical affection, especially if your Valentine’s plans include alcohol in any amount. Yeah, most of us have been there.
  10. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is just a big marketing ploy by the greeting card companies to bilk honest American citizens out of their hard-earned cash!

Valentine’s Day should be an optional holiday.

Mushy romance and staged blind dates may be suitable for hormonally imbalanced teenagers and newlywed couples, but seasoned dating veterans and established spouses know that real romance is putting gas in her car, washing the dishes, or baking his favorite peach pie. If you really want to go all out, try scrubbing the bathroom for her, including the toilet. My husband has even changed a few diapers for the sake of true romance.

Who says chivalry is dead?

Creative Commons License photo credit: weglet

2 Responses to Top 10 Reasons Not to Celebrate Valentine’s Day
  1. wendikelly
    February 16, 2010 | 5:42 pm

    Sorry Jamie,

    I'll never give up an excuse to eat chocolate. especially when my 12 year old daughter bakes me a chocolate cake with little red sprinkles. Ah…thats what its all about.

    As long as I have kids, there will always be Valentine's Day.

    that doesn't mean I'm not gonna stop spreading the good cheer all the rest of the days too. Or eating chocolate. :)

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