Top 10 Ways to Know You’re a Freelance Writer
November 5, 2008
“You’re killing my MoJo. Scoot over a little.”
He just grinned, then moved to stand behind me to read the screen as I typed. I ignored him, as only old married couples can.
“What’cha doin?”
Chatting with the Queen of England. Washing the cat. Painting my nails. Saving the world. Strangling my husband. “WRITING!”
He grins, “I thought you liked writing?”
“I do, I do. I like writing. I like chocolate chip cookies. And I also like peace and quiet while I’m writing. Here’s your cookie, sweetie, 2 outa 3 ‘aint bad.”
In honor of my husband’s incessant ability to kill my concentration just for fun, I’ve decided to list my top ten ways to prove you’re a freelance writer.
Top 10 Ways to Know You’re a Freelance Writer
- You’ve gotten in the shower and found you only shaved one leg the day before. So you say what the heck and start an alternating limb shaving schedule to save time- time management at its best. And since Blogger Dad swears he doesn’t shave his legs (not that I believe him for a second), for the guys, Dave adds, “You haven’t shaved or seen your family in so long that they accidentally reported a Sasquatch siting when you came out of your office yesterday.”
- Eyeing that baby sling, you begin to wonder if you could craft a double harness that will hold your child and your laptop.
- Your desk looks like you live there, because you do. “Could you pass me that extra pair of socks on top of the monitor? Thanks.”
- You eat more meals with your computer than with live people.
- You realize you put your underwear on backward- 12 hours ago.
- Your fingers move across an invisible keyboard in your sleep.
- You find crumbs in your bra (or your bellybutton, Dave) and consider eating them because, hey, it’s quicker than making a trip to the kitchen.
- Your children have the best vocabulary in the neighborhood and can diagram sentences by age 5.
- A shopping spree at Staples excites you more than the prospect of sex.
- Instead of instituting casual day at the office, you have a work naked day. The neighbors love it.
I will admit to 8 out of 10, but I’m not saying which ones are true. 
Go hug your kids, tie them up with duct tape, and GET BACK TO WORK! 
Red Sky at Night: Writer’s Delight
November 3, 2008
Every writer needs a source of inspiration. Even when you write for SEO companies and are handed a list of keywords, specifications, and sometimes even an content outline to flesh out, you still need inspiration to get your through the tedious projects. For many of you, this is NaNoWriMo time, and you’ll be needing an extra helping of inspiration to get through the next four weeks. This is my contribution to your honorable endeavor.
We All Have a Muse
Many writers claim to have a muse; a special person who inspires their creative juices even in a dry spell. Matthew Dryden has a muse. Sean has Daisy. James and Harry spur each other to creative heights. Havi will tell you to get in touch with body and breath for great balance and inspiration.
For some of us, that writer’s inspiration comes from the most unlikely places. You may get your best ideas while jamming to rap music, or painting a beautiful picture. James Chartrand thinks best when driving in the car or while skating on a frozen pond. For me, I think best outside. Under the stars, in the middle of a pasture field, deep in a pine forest, or watching water flow. I especially love water, and ducks. 
Power and Beauty
The Christmas after my grandfather passed away, our family packed up and took an unheard of vacation. We piled in the car and drove to the Outer Banks. We arrived late at night, during high tide. It was storming and the moon was full. Those waves crashed against the sand with such force that my whole body trembled. I was 14 and it was the first time I saw the ocean. Such intense power and beauty overwhelmed me and I wept right there on the pier.
Beginning Passion
Later that night, I met my older cousin who was dark and disturbed. He carried a notebook with him filled with poetry and song lyrics. He was more than happy to introduce me to Edgar Allen Poe, Jim Morrison, and Emily Dickinson. That was the first spark that ignited my passion for writing.
I spent many hours walking between the violent ocean waves and the serenity of the sound near Duck and Nag’s Head. I watched in awe as wild horses galloped on the shores, and ducks floated peacefully in the reeds growing in the sound. It was raw beauty, and its power haunts my dreams to this day.
First Love
Back at home, I spent many nights on the shores of the nearby river. Countless times, I would stay up till dawn playing Euchre and hooking carp and catfish by the light of a flashlight. It was on that muddy river bank that I shared my first kiss.
Healing, Looking Ahead, and Meeting my Creator
A little farther down the road, I hooked up with a crew who liked to party at the local lake. They would drink and make out in the dark while I found a quiet place to sneak off and listen to the waves on the rocks. I thought about my life, my past, and my future. The sound of moving water was an instant balm for my injured spirit. It was there that I met God, up close and personal.
Getting Personal
All of those intense experiences are deeply rooted in nature. It’s where I draw my inspiration. It’s how I recharge and gather my thoughts. Just me and God under an open sky. (In case you are wondering, yes Oktober, that picture above is one of mine.) I have been hesitant to share my photos or my personal life, but the place was looking a little cold and clinical. It’s time to open up and share my stories and delights with all of you.
Pull up a chair, let me pour you a cup of coffee and we’ll share some memories together.
What inspires you to write?
Where do you draw your creative energy from?
What did you do under the open sky as an emerging adult? (And if Dave Fowler stops by, try to keep it G rated, we’re a family-type blog.) 
Who’s Running This Place, Anyway?
November 2, 2008
I recently read this excerpt of a news report on another WordPress blog.
MIT scientists baffled by global warming theory, contradicts scientific data
From: TG Daily By Rick C. Hodgin
Boston (MA) – Scientists at MIT have recorded a nearly simultaneous world-wide increase in methane levels. This is the first increase in ten years, and what baffles science is that this data contradicts theories stating man is the primary source of increase for this greenhouse gas. It takes about one full year for gases generated in the highly industrial northern hemisphere to cycle through and reach the southern hemisphere. However, since all worldwide levels rose simultaneously throughout the same year, it is now believed this may be part of a natural cycle in mother nature – and not the direct result of man’s contributions.
Huh. Imagine that. I guess God really is in control, not man.
Happy Sunday everyone. Catch ya tomorrow.
Celebrating a Christian Halloween
October 31, 2008
WARNING: This post, like many others here at Blue Duck, contains materials that some may find offensive because it expresses my views about Christianity. If you can’t handle it, please click away now. Thanks.
Opening My Eyes
My son attends a Christian school. Last year on Halloween, we had a HUGE meltdown in our house because the teacher sent home a letter inviting all the kids to her house for trick-or-treat. Our ADHD son is terrified of Halloween decorations and would scream when we saw someone dressed up in a scary costume, so we learned quickly to stay indoors on Halloween. I was in the process of explaining to him why we would not be going to the teacher’s house, when my husband came home. Then it hit the fan.
Hubby looked through the bag of treats my son had brought home, decorated with skulls and witches. He read the note from the teacher and asked me to get my computer, he had something to say. (Now, keep in mind that my husband speaks very little, so we were all eagerly awaiting what would come next.)
In the following moments, he dictated an eloquent and moving letter about why Christians should not celebrate Halloween. (Because he is a very private person, and it was a private letter to the teacher, I will not be posting it here.) To back up his claims, we included excerpts from the Jeremiah Project website. If you are a Christian, or even curious about Halloween, I encourage you to visit and read. It was a real eye opener for me.
This year, as a Bible scholar, I have learned that many of the Old Testament laws given to the Jews were intended to protect them from mixing with the religions of the people living around them. That’s what Halloween has become for Christians today, a mixture of differing religions with a Hallmark measure of fun thrown in for seasoning.
What Will You Do?
I encourage you to read over the history of Halloween, and decide for yourself if there are spiritual razor blades hiding in those bags of treats your kids bring home tonight.
The Simmerman house will be roasting hot dogs, marshmallows, and making s’mores over an open fire. I even have a couple of bags of Snickers and Reeses’ cups hiding in the cupboard for later to meet their sugar buzz needs.
Have a safe and pleasant Halloween, everyone. And to my friend Harry, have great Halloween. I hope it’s a great night for you.
For Sale: Ran Great Yesterday
October 13, 2008
“I’m at school. The car won’t start.”
Silence.
“Did you hear me?”
“Yep.”
Silence.
I wait, breathe deeply, squash my irritation and panic, and try to remember all the things I love about my husband.
All I can think about is where I need to be in an hour, and how am I going to get the boy to school in the morning if the car is dead?
After an eternity, He speaks, “What’s it sound like?”
I roll my eyes, look around to see who’s in the parking lot and attempt to imitate the car noise, “plah, plah, plah, plah, plah.”
I can hear him smiling.
“What’s it doing?”
“It’s not doing anything, that’s the point.”
“Does it have gas?”
“YES IT HAS GAS! I DYE MY HAIR THIS COLOR!”
Now, he’s really grinning.
“You’re getting a kick out of this aren’t you? Listen…” I hold the phone out, hit the speaker button, and crank the key.
“I don’t hear anything.”
“That’s my point! Can you come get us?”
“Yep” Click.
My husband can fix anything. He was born that way~ with wrench in hand, looking for a nut to turn. He built a heavy duty trailer from scratch. Then he built a heavy duty truck from scratch to pull that trailer. Now he’s building a flat bed to go on the truck. Handy that, especially on days like this.
He pulls into the parking lot, takes the keys, and starts the car. Just like that~ and grins.
“I hate you. That car loves me, it never leaves me sitting. Please check it over, I thought I smelled antifreeze.”
The car pulls forward, revealing a large wet spot. “That’s oil. And antifreeze. You still have that gallon in the trunk? What about that oil I put back there?”
I grit my teeth. “This article said you should remove all unnecessary weight from the trunk to help improve gas mileage and… I took it out.”
He clenches his jaw and stares at the ground, probably to keep from strangling me.
“Let’s get it home.”
“You following me?”
“That depends. Are you driving like an old woman?”
“Aren’t we full of quips and sarcasm today?”
The car makes it half way up the hill before the temperature skyrockets and the oil light comes on. I freak out, whip the car off the road into a shallow ditch, turn off the engine, and pull the kids out of the backseat in seconds. Steam billows from the hissing engine.
“I tried to get off the road as fast as I could. I was afraid it would catch on fire. I didn’t mean to pull into the ditch. Did I blow up the engine or did I shut it off it time? I hope the whole thing didn’t just crap out. That ditch looks deeper from out here. I have eggs in the trunk. Are you mad?”
Silence.
More silence.
Agonizing silence.
“How much money do you have in the checking account? This is going to cost you.”
“Now I have to PAY you to fix my car!”
“Nope. I was thinking about leaving it here with a For Sale sign. Maybe someone will steal it. Then we can go buy a Jeep~ with ground clearance.”
For Sale:
One dark green Chrysler Concorde LXI. Black leather, automatic everything, moon roof, killer Infinity stereo. New tires. 3/4 tank Marathon gas, fully charged air conditioner. Ran great YESTERDAY. Mud on undercarriage~ free of charge. Last seen on Watson Creek Rd. Motivated seller. Hurry, won’t last long. It’s a vandal’s dream.
Go Bucks!
October 4, 2008
In honor of the OSU game beginning in a few minutes, and because my brother is OSU’s biggest fan, I thought I’d show my support for the buckeyes. GO BUCKS!!
If you’re a Bucks fan, you might like http://blockonation.com/.
xxooxx Little Brother!
