I wrestled with one of those “why bother” moments today. You know, those discouraging moments when you step back and evaluate your life and are horrified and nauseated by what you see? These moments used to begin a viscous cycle of feel awful, try harder, do better, miss the mark, feel awful. I’m doing things differently now. (I bought into that progressive sanctification of the believer speech and am holding on with both hands (and a few toes).

I stepped back and looked at my business and thought about what I could do better, what needed changing, and what wasn’t working. After the first few weeks, I was excited. After the first month, I found myself wondering if any of this really matters in the big scheme of things. I mean, come on, I write for the Internet! Any idiot can blog on the Net! It’s the Information Overload Age, baby! My words will never amount to more than a drop in the bucket, right?

How my Feed Reader Leads to Depressing Thoughts

This train of thought began as I was attempting to catch up my feed reader. All those little blue numbers cataloging unread posts stared at me every time I checked my email, which is every five minutes. It was driving me insane! So I sat down, determined to at least scan the posts for content and make the blue numbers stop taunting me.

But somehow, as I scanned it just seemed offensive. These blogs were in my feed reader because I shared a connection with the authors. Some I worked with, some inspired me to better things, some entertained me or showed me how to do life better. Some of these authors were friends I had corresponded with for months or years. It seemed obscene to treat their heartfelt words as fodder for speed reading so I could check another set of posts off my to-do list.

It made me wonder how many of my posts sit, unread, in someone’s feed reader nagging at their skull until they break down and scan my inner thoughts just to get rid of me? You see, Blue Duck isn’t my only blog. I write thousands of words a week, for clients, for other Blue Duck owned websites… for myself. I bleed on those pages of words; each one taking a small part of me away to be ferreted in some small corner of the Internet. To what end?

Looking Back

When I worked as an RN, I returned home exhausted but content to know that I made a difference. My efforts helped someone that day, often several someones. I fought infection, healed wounds, provided comfort, relieved pain, was a shoulder to cry on, even saved lives. I mattered to someone each day. I made a difference. I made my own corner of the world a better place, one shift at a time. I miss that feeling.

Taking the Flak

Most of my family is not supportive of my decision to forgo nursing for writing on the Internet, even after it has been paying the bills for two years now. They think I am crazy, stupid, becoming eccentric and a whole host of other descriptive synonyms.

After all, R E A L writers get published. They have books on the shelf with their byline in bold print. They have an agent, a publisher, a publicist, and a fat royalty check coming every month. Internet writers are only a cheap fad. There’s no work involved, no real skill.

Defending the Faith

Then there’s the issue of my faith. I’ve had close friends try to turn me away from advertising as a Christian business. One even went so far as to tell me I was insane for mentioning my faith; it will only hurt your business. “Jamie, you’re a talented writer. You have a decent business sense and you’re a quick learner. You could do so much more. You’re shooting yourself in the foot with this Christianity nonsense.”

“At least leave it out of the blog!” they plead. But I can’t.

I am hopelessly dependent on God for every breath I draw. Without Him I wouldn’t have the strength to get out of bed each morning. Seriously, I would have given my life to the business-end of a Glock a long time ago if it weren’t for God’s intervention each day. He whispers in my heart that I matter to Him, my life has purpose, my pain has meaning, my life has a destination other than the trash heap of humanity. My faith is woven into every fiber of my being. How can I leave it out of my writing?

If God blessed me with a natural propensity to write, shouldn’t I write about Him? If God provides for me and blesses my business, shouldn’t I give Him the credit? If He heals my pain, shouldn’t I show my scars to others who are still bleeding and tell them there is hope? I would sooner stop breathing than leave God out of my business and my writing. It was never an option.

Yet, these things are politically incorrect; taboo in today’s business world. That makes me the freaky kid in study hall who’s not quite right in the head and, did you hear?, I think she’s in some kool aid drinking cult that takes all your money and makes you marry your cousin.

My Conclusion

What’s my response? I say do it anyway.

Embracing Romance

Christianity is the greatest romance the world has ever known. Even the raciest story lines and the best Hollywood blockbusters pale in comparison to the love of my God.

He pursues me with the tireless love of a soul mate. He chases me to the farthest recesses of my mind, and leads me out by the hand into the light. He plummets into the depths of the cesspools of scum and sin to rescue me from myself, and He braves the darkest hours of my depression to fan the flames of my passion back to life. He follows me where no mortal lover would dare enter, and tolerates more than a loyal mother could take. He knows every secret, every regret, every hurt. He holds me when I sob uncontrollably, carries me when I am too weak to stand, and rejoices with my every triumph as if they were His own. His loyalty extends beyond death and knows no bounds. His love is so great that the human language cannot describe it adequately.

I have never seen my Lover’s face, nor have I heard His voice, but I know Him intimately- perhaps better than I know myself.

I have encountered God and there’s no going back to the way things were before.

The Plan

So what is my business plan for 2009? I don’t have one. That’s right. I threw it out- tore it to shreds and did the happy dance as it burned in the kitchen sink. Am I off my rocker? Nope, I’m perfectly sane.

I intend to write my own socks off this year. I will continue to blog, continue to write about my faith, and keep right on believing that God led me here for a reason. I’m dreaming big folks, and I’m praying bigger. In fact, I’m leaving it all up to prayer. My single New Year’s resolution is that I will not write nor speak a single word without praying first. That places my entire business (and my life) firmly in the hands of God alone.

So Lance and Christine, my word for 2009 is SURRENDER.

It’s a tall order on my part, I tend to like to do things my way. Not because I think I can do better, I just have a problem trusting that I won’t get hurt unless I do things myself. Well, guess what? Bring on the pain. I’m done doing things my way.

I’m talking complete surrender. I’m not holding anything back. Break out the supernatural Super Glue because I’m about to be broken in ways I never dreamed were possible. And you know what? I’m scared shitless. How’s that for a confession? And yes, I am a Christian, but I do say “shitless “when it fits and I’ve peed in the shower a time or two. I am far from perfect.

So if you know my God, please pray for me. And if you don’t know Him, He knows your name and He loves you with an unmatched passionate abandon that must be experienced to understand. His romance is powerful and His love is gratifying.

He’s waiting for you. Dive deep.

Character is a term that most people think they understand. (I mistakenly thought I could accurately define character until recently.)Take a poll in your neighborhood and most will answer that, yes, they have character. But ask them what character is and you may be rewarded with a puzzled, blank stare. If you have a hard time defining character, you are not a dummy (despite what those books say), you are merely like 90% of the rest of us who take moral terms for granted without knowing what the heck they really mean. (I tended to embrangle character with integrity and old-fashioned charm.)

Character Defined

According to Elmer Towns, a specialist in church growth, character is defined as habitually doing the right thing in the right way. (An example of developing character would be keeping on track with your prayer time, despite staying up until 4 A.M. finishing a proposal for a client.)  It is consistently choosing the morally right choice despite your circumstances and feelings.

You are not born with character. It is developed through the hard work of self-discipline. Being a good person does not provide you with character. Instead, character development results in habits that make you do good, and is essential for spiritual development.

Food for Thought

Mr. Towns challenges us to ponder what came first, great character or great dreams?  Does the person with character seek great dreams to live for God, or does the person with great dreams seek character to live for God? Almost always, the answer is that character must come first. The natural things (character development) always precede the supernatural (spiritual development) because until a man receives revelation from God, spiritual matters are foolishness to him. (I Corinthians 2:14)

So, how is character developed? Character development occurs through perseverance, hard work, and self-discipline.

• Live outside yourself.  Those with great dreams for God will develop character because they are forced to live by standards outside themselves.  They will not live a selfish life, seeking only self-satisfying pursuits.
• Put forth a conscious effort to create a habit of making the right choices. Make a decision and a commitment to develop character daily.
• Use your principals to guide your every decision in life. (No more no-brainer decisions.)
• Change your attitude.

Attitude is Everything

Your personality is formed by your attitudes and grows out of your character.  Contrary to popular belief, you are not born with your attitude. (You are, however, born with a temperament.) You choose your attitude in every situation. Mr. Towns reminds us we cannot determine our circumstances or control our fate, but when we have the right attitude, we get the best out of the conditions handed to us and are able to rise above our circumstances.

The pessimist complains about the wind.
The optimist expects a better wind.
The person with character changes the sail.

Emotions Vs. Character: How are You Living?

There are two basic motivators for behavior choice, emotions and character.  Many people live emotionally based, often without even realizing what influenced their actions. Consider these statements about emotional living.

• You can’t determine your physical emotional response, but when you have the faith attitude, you can rise above your feelings.  You cannot stop feelings, but you can keep your feelings from stopping you.
• God chooses what we will go through; you choose how you will go through it.

Learning to live according to your character takes deliberate action on your part. It requires increased mental energy, concentration, and frequent self-examination.

“Every time you make a choice, you are turning the control part of you into something a little different from what you were before.  And taking your life as a whole, with all its innumerable choices, you are slowly turning the control thing either into a heavenly creature or into a hellish one.” – C. S. Lewis

Three Reasons Why Character Matters

Character is an important and desirable quality for three main reasons.

• People with Character will have long lasting friendships, successful marriages, satisfying vocations, and an inner happiness.
• Character development is the essential precursor to spiritual development.
• A person with character is able to carry out a decision long after the emotion is gone that first motivated the choice.

Do you display character in your business practices? Do you model character for your spouse and children? (Mr. Towns points out that character is no longer taught to children in public schools.) Take a few moments to pray and earnestly examine your level of character development.

Emotional living is widespread today, but God calls us to live separately from the norms of society. I pray that you will have the courage to work toward personal character development by actively seeking to make right choices every day.

Next, I decided to use SEO Book’s keyword tool to find some interesting blogs to add to my reader and possibly my Blogroll. I ran a search for Christian Business Blog. <<<Instant black hole>>>. I found two promising, relevant hits only to be sorely disappointed when I clicked through. Why are there not any Christian businesses writing about what they do? I know you’re out there…… Helloooo. (Nothing but echoes, maybe I was wrong.)

A similar thing happened when I searched for Christian Freelance Writer. I did get one result that at least looked intelligent, but where are the rest of us? I know who the Christian businesses are locally, but where are the Christ following copywriters, or is that an oxymoron? (I believe good copywriters can adhere to honest business ethics while writing compelling copy.)

Since I discovered a need on the Internet for Christian business blogs, I am seriously considering taking the Blue Duck blog in that direction. So before we go any further, here’s my disclaimer:

You will find Christian references in this blog. It’s what I believe in, how I raise my family, and how I conduct business. You will not find religious drivel, gay-bashing, brow-beating with a Bible rants on this blog. I dislike religion. Let me rephrase that, I abhor religion. I am a Christ follower, not a pious, religious, rule-toting blogger who chews up people who are different than I. I love people of all kinds, they make my life interesting and fulfilling.

I encourage honest discussion and debates, but will not tolerate anything that I would not allow my children or my grandmother read. (Yes, my grandma is online more than I am. She’s usually on eBay, but she could end up checking on me at any time.)

We’re still working out the bugs and kinks with the new website, so it may be a week or more before you find regular or daily posting, but don’t be surprised if you find theological business advice here in the next few weeks. My family and I will pray about the direction of this blog and see what happens. I’m excited to see where this leads!