Here’s Your Compliment, NOW TAKE IT!
November 7, 2008
One of the biggest sticking points for me during the One Month to Live Challenge was how important compliments are. Compliments are the opposite of bitter criticism. They build us up, encourage us to press on, and provide road signs that direct our paths in life.
Peers, Cohorts, and the Human Nature
Yes, I realize that we are not school children who need the approval of peers or a hug from mommy to make it all better, but peer relationships do still matter. We rub off on each other. We mirror mannerisms and phrases of those we rub elbows with, both good and bad. You want to make the world a better place? Start building up others! It has a ripple effect.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” ~ Maya Angelou
I struggle with this concept, as do many others I interact with in day to day life. Try telling a blogger they are truly talented, or a customer that they are appreciated without coming off as a sugar-sweet, drippy brown-noser, and you’ll see what I mean. Often, when we do offer a compliment, it comes in a form similar to the title of this post. We hide behind gruffness, sarcasm, or humor to save face. When did being genuinely nice become so uncool?
The the Un-Coolness Begin!
Well, in traditional Blue Duck style, I say the heck with coolness. If I like you or I think you did a good job, I’m gonna tell you about it. Conversely, if you’re sawing your own arm off without realizing it or you invade my personal space in a bad way, I’ll be sure to tell you that as well (in a constructive way, of course). We wouldn’t hesitate to point out grievances, mistakes, or flaws. So why overlook the good stuff?
“Make room for that which is capable of rejoicing, enlarging, or calming the heart.” ~ George Tersteegen
Back Up from the Bible
For you Christian writers and business owners out there:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”~ Ephesians 4:29
We all need validation, encouragement, and love. So, here’s my first dose of Miracle Grow Compliments for my little blogging circle:
- Sean, your way with words amazes me. Thanks for helping others fall in love with life.
- David Wright, your dedication to family and sincerity are a rare gem in today’s world. But, your sense of humor could use a little work.. just kidding.
- Dave Fowler, your light hearted banter and wit brighten my time on the Net and give me hope that the world indeed is not all shadows and darkness.
- Wendi Kelly, your gentleness and joy exude from my monitor and make me look forward to another day of work. Thank you for your daily sunshine.
- Oktober 5, your wisdom, knowledge and talent are jaw dropping. In fact, some of your comments on this blog and others have haunted my thoughts for days. Thanks for challenging my thoughts and nurturing my soul with your talent.
- James and Harry, your passion, dedication, and unwavering focus are a constant source of inspiration for me.
- Matthew, your raw energy and intensity give your words power.
- Lance, when I read your words, it’s like putting on a warm sweater on a cold day. Your outlook is so similar to mine, sometimes it’s scary.
- Amy, your warmth and friendliness have been a welcome addition the the stark, clinical feel of working on the Net. Thanks for making an effort to roll out the welcome mat. Your efforts have not gone unnoticed.
- Dereck, your strength and transparency are a pillar for many. Never lose sight of that, my friend.
- Tessa, I envy your incredible faith and patience. Your quiet strength and bubbly personality make you darned near irresistible.
- Toni, girl, I could fill the page with your praises. In fact, I think I’ll put your words into an email. Thanks for being you.
This is not a misguided effort to increase traffic or fish for my own set of compliments, just a simple exercise in building a no regrets life. I will be closing comments for this post. Instead, take a few minutes and visit your favorite Blogopolis writer and compliment away!
The No Regrets Journey
October 30, 2008
As the end of my One Month to Live journey comes to a close, I look back on this unique experience with mixed emotions. I am partly glad to see the end, yet eager to internalize these concepts even deeper over time. Highlights of my journey include:
- Writing my own 5 Wishes and letters to my family
- Meeting 3 wonderful ladies at a new One Month to Live small group
- Watching dirt bikes ramp across the stage at church
One of the sticking points of this series was the observation that very few people know how to take a complement. According to the Learn Humbly stage of the journey, learning to accept and give compliments is essential to a no regrets life. (I will likely blog about this in the near future, so if this describes you, subscribe to the feed to catch this post when it goes live next week.)
My Take Away
This series has definitely changed the way I think about my life, and the lives of those around me. While I began this journey earlier this year, this six week series has really brought it home and highlighted key points for me. In reflection, I don’t believe this series has changed my daily behavior much. It has, however, changed my outlook on life and reinforced the lessons I have learned from recent life experiences.
If you participated in the One Month to Live Challenge, what did you take away from the experience? Has it changed your life for the better, spurred you to think differently?
Thanks for riding along on this journey with me. I’ll be posting my views on how these principals apply to blogging and online business. I hope you, too, have begun to live a no regrets life.
Morning Tunes
October 16, 2008
Are you living your life without regrets, yet?
This week’s assignment was to write a letter to someone you would like to express your heart to before it’s too late. Ask them to forgive you for the ways in which you might have hurt them. Extend your forgiveness to them for any pain they may have caused you. Most importantly, communicate your love to them and share with them how much they mean to you. Mail the letter and pray that God will use it to heal your relationship.
Just because I felt like having a little morning music, I thought I’d share. This one is in the spirit of living a no regrets life. Brandon wrote his letter, have you done yours?
(In case no one’s noticed, Brandon Heath is my new favorite artist this month.) Turn it up!
30 Days to Live: What are Your Regrets?
October 6, 2008
What would you do differently if you found out you had 30 days left to live? Would you go home and hug your kids (instead of yelling at them to be quiet so you can work)? Would you take your wife out on a date and watch the stars till 2 A.M.? Would you make a few phone calls to finally say, “I’m sorry. I forgive you. I love you.”?
When confronted with the reality that the end of life has arrived, people reevaluate what is really important in life and set to the task of establishing new priorities. Do I only have 30 days left to live? Perhaps. Perhaps you do, too. We never really know, do we?
I’m reading One Month to Live: 30 Days to a No Regrets Life, by Chris and Kerry Shook. For me, it’s an extension of a lesson I began learning in December. You see, I learned to view life a little differently recently, and I think it has helped me tremendously, in business and at home, and I thought I would share it with you.
Lessons From a Hospital Room
My lesson began where no one wants to be, sitting in the corner of a hospital room, watching someone who looked a little like my father sleep. I received a phone call from my dad’s significant other earlier that afternoon.
“Jamie? It’s Jeff, they took your dad to the hospital, they don’t know what’s wrong.” I hesitated only a second to evaluate if my children were fully dressed and said, “I’m on my way. I’ll be there in 40 minutes.”
Thousands of thoughts raced through my head during that 40 minute drive, some of them angry, some terrified. I walked into the hospital room to see a tiny, bald, toothless man with yellowed skin and dark bruising over his arms. He was curled into a fetal position and mumbling incoherently. I spoke, but he was in his own world, unaware that anyone was in the same room.
The doctor explained his condition, prescribed a long list of medications to help alleviate the symptoms, and sent him home with Hospice to die. Dad had a few lucid moments, and even a rare good day before he passed away in April at the age of 57.
From the day my dad left the hospital, I began thinking differently. What happened in the past no longer mattered, my dad was dying. What did matter was the few precious days I would have with him now.Old hurts that ran deep suddenly were flies to be brushed away so I could see clearly how much I loved my dad.
I no longer took my own life for granted. My dad’s illness brought home the fact that I could die at age 57, too. I could only have a few more days with my kids, or my husband. I may only get one more visit with my mom, or my baby brother. In a single day, life became a wisp of fog, and I was determined to catch it and hang on for all I was worth.
That’s what One Month to Live is all about, holding onto a life worth living.
So what did I change in my life? I spend less time working. I went back to college for the sake of learning, not just for a degree. I revamped my business. I spend a lot of time with those I love. I went away for the weekend with my husband for the first time in 10 years. I took a long vacation with my family. I chartered a sailboat and saw dolphins in the wild. I spit in the face of my fears and learned to trust God more. I learned how to belly laugh again.
I’m learning how to live a no regrets life.
Again, I ask you, what would you do differently with only 30 days left to live?
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” ~ Mark Twain
(I “stole” that quote form Lance’s website JungleofLife.com. He posted it on Sunday, just as I was finishing this post and it fit so perfectly that I couldn’t pass it up. Great minds think alike, Lance, thanks.)
